Sixty-Three
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Dianna
W e swam until my limbs hurt and the sun touched the water. Samkiel
took us up to the cliffs overlooking the ocean. I twisted my hair,
ringing out as much water as I could as we sat watching the sunset.
“When do you have to be back?” I asked, nearly holding my breath, not wanting this to end.
He rested his arms across his bent knees. “When I wish,” he said, his body tensing and jaw tightening.
I shifted closer to him, sensing the shift in his mood, but he said nothing further. I knew something was bothering him, but I didn’t want to press, so we sat and watched the colors paint the sky in shades of orange, pink, and purple. It was the first sunset in a long time that didn’t fill me with dread, and I had him to thank for my newfound hope.
“Logan and Neverra want to leave.”
His words caught me off guard. I looked at him, but his gaze stayed focused on the sky. The setting sun gilded him lovingly, drops of water still
sparkling on his skin.
“What?”
He lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “They want a life outside of this. Once Kaden is dead and this is all done, they want a family, a home.
I don’t blame them, and I think Xavier wants out, too, even if he hasn’t said it. Imogen has the council and Jiraiya. She could make a life with that.”
My mind reeled. “But The Hand, I mean—”
“Are not needed if there is no threat. The realms are closed and will remain so as long as I breathe.” He looked at me, and I saw the pain pooling at the back of his eyes. He was losing his family, too.
“But… you guys are family.”
He turned back toward the sea, resting his head upon his arms and sighing deeply. “Yes, but for all intents and purposes, I abandoned them. I was gone for a thousand years, but I also think it’s more than that. I think they have been drifting apart for some time now, and I just wasn’t here to help keep them connected. It’s reasonable that after all this time, after all they have seen and done, they want normalcy. No matter how much I have missed them, I cannot be selfish with them.”
Samkiel swiped at his face as if I wouldn’t notice his pain. He loved them. I knew that even if I had never heard him say the words. Guilt stabbed at me. Here he was, bending over backward to help me, and the ones closest to him were slipping away this entire time. I scooted closer to him, and he turned his head, watching me.
“Have you ever thought about your future? What would you wish for if your life were your own?” Curiosity bit at me. The Hand had already planned. Had he?
Samkiel was quiet for a moment as he processed the question. He slid his fingers through his drying hair and sighed. “I had hopes and dreams when I was younger, before a crown, before a throne. Now? I don’t think about it. This is my life, and the price for that kind of freedom is too high in my case.”
“Well, if they all leave, I can promise to annoy you even more.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose and chuckled. “Is that so?”
“Yes, I mean, we’d hate for you to lock yourself away again.”
“As if I could.” He peaked at me. “Someone stole my room.”
“Hey, that was given to me, not taken!” I said, playfully swatting at him.
I couldn’t help but return his wide smile, happy that the shadows had eased from his eyes, and he didn’t seem so sad and lost. He chased away all my demons, and I would chase away his too. Only one of us was allowed to
break at a time.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.
“No, I’m the one helping you. So tell me more. Please,” Samkiel said, reaching out to trace the curve of my lower lip with the pad of his thumb as if he wanted to make sure my smile was real.
“Okay. Here’s something you probably won’t like.” I sighed, but he merely waited. “I don’t feel remorse for what I did. Every single one of them knew what would happen if they touched her. I was very clear about
it, and I don’t regret it. I would hurt anyone who hurt someone I loved.
That’s who I am deep down. Overprotective and possessive, I suppose.”
“Territorial,” he added.
I pushed him. “I’m being serious.”
“I know, but you are telling me things I already know about you. Tell me something else.”
“Okay, how about this, then? I would rather have my reputation be one of blood and death than for anyone to touch someone I love again. I don’t want just power. I want fear so that anyone even thinking of messing with those I care about thinks twice.”
His eyes bore into mine, searching, and I wondered if I had gone too far.
Would he finally see the monster beneath my skin and realize what a waste I was? Would he change his mind about healing me and send me to the cells under the council? Maybe he would feed me to Oblivion instead.
His lips curved in a soft smile as he tipped his head toward me. “To be loved by the great Dianna would be a gift beyond imagining. Anyone to receive your love and be claimed by you would be lucky.”
I blinked, my breath leaving my body in an audible whoosh. “That doesn’t scare you?”
He shrugged. “While your anger is a force that may frighten lesser men, it does not scare me. I told you, you never scared me. I have only been afraid for you, not of you. All of this is coming from a woman who has had everything stripped from her by force. Why wouldn’t you use force to keep what you love safe? It is what the world has taught you needs to happen.”
“Why do you do that?” I asked, unable to process all that I was feeling.
“Why do you wish for me to dislike you so much?”
“I just don’t understand why you still care. Why do you still like me after everything I’ve done? Why do you still want me? It just doesn’t make sense, Samkiel.”
He caught my gaze and held it. His eyes were soft and warm, and I swore he was staring into my soul. “I’d be a liar if I said I did not still have feelings for the woman who ripped her heart out to save me, her sister, and the world. The one who will risk everything for someone she cares about without ever thinking of herself. The one who likes loud music and overly sweetened treats and shares everything with me. The woman who ties promises to her small finger. The one who pretends she hates happy movies because she doesn’t think she can ever have her own happy ending. The
woman who wields and breathes fire on a whim and loves flowers even when she tries to deny it. I have seen the best of you, Dianna, and now I have seen the worst. I am not leaving. You do not scare me.”
We sat looking at each other. The only sounds were those of the ocean and the breeze rustling through the trees. My heart pounded. No one had ever seen so much of me, and I had never felt so exposed. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. He deserved so much more, so much better than me. Yet he looked at me as if he would rip the world to pieces for me, and I knew I would do so much worse for him.
“You do not have to say anything, nor am I asking for anything, but I need you to understand that pushing me away will not work. I am a very patient immortal. Especially when it comes to those I care for.”
He said it as if he hadn’t just rattled my entire world, his words resonating with some fragile part of me.
I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, watching the show Rashearim was putting on for us. The colors were breathtaking as they changed and shifted, swirling like an aurora borealis. It was quiet again but not uncomfortable. Somewhere between the temple on Onuna and the remains of Rashearim, Samkiel had become essential to me. He had been my anchor even when I was lost and didn’t recognize it.
“Gabby liked sunsets. I would often catch her watching them.”
“There are twin suns on the outskirts of Nebuluinium. They cast a magnificent glow as they set, lighting up the whole sky in a prism of color.
She would have liked those.”
“Maybe she can see them from where she is?”
“Definitely.”
I didn’t know if he said it to appease me, and I didn’t care. It made me happy to know it was even a possibility.
“I never got to say goodbye. I think that’s what hurts the most. But at least she told me, right?”
“I think she knows. If there is any way for her to watch over you, I have no doubt she is doing so. Gabriella was a fighter just like you, strong, resilient, and stubborn. Even with the realms sealed, she’d find a way.”
My eyes filled with tears. “She would.”
“I also think that sometimes two people can love each other so very much that not even death can separate them.”
“You are such a romantic,” I joked, which got me another small laugh from him, but his words sank to the very depths of my soul. I shifted closer to him, fitting my arm beneath his massive one, my hand curling around his biceps. I rested my head against his shoulder, the muscles beneath my cheek bunching. He froze as if he was afraid he would scare me away.
“Do you think it will ever stop hurting?” I looked up at him as he turned toward me. “My heart?”
“If there were some way I could help to make the pain less, I would do it. I would bend any rule I could to make it so for you.” He gently wiped away the tears I could not stop. “But even with all my powers, I cannot heal a broken heart, and I can not rush grief.”
“I know,” I whispered, closing my eyes and savoring his touch as he ran his knuckles across my tear-streaked cheek. I laid my head back on his arm, inhaling deeply of his familiar scent. Samkiel brushed his lips across the top of my head, letting me seek comfort in any way I could.
“Can we stay here until the sun sets?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said, resting his cheek against my hair.
Neither of us said anything, watching the sun disappear beyond the sea, but something shifted between us. A piece that had been missing fell back into place. It was something cosmic, and I thought I heard fate whisper to me.
Samkiel said he couldn’t fix a broken heart, but how could I tell him he already was?
S amkiel yawned again as we entered the palace . I could feel his exhaustion beating at me. There had probably been a lot to do after everything I had done. I imagine he had been busy keeping the world spinning.
“Goodnight, Dianna,” he said, pulling me from my thoughts. He smiled and moved toward the couch. I could tell by the way he moved he planned to crash on the couch and pass out. Call me selfish, but I didn’t want to sleep alone anymore, and I wanted him close to me.
“You can stay.” The words spilled from my lips.
He stopped, half bent as he prepared to sit, and looked up at me, his brow furrowed.
I swallowed. “With me. Tonight. If you want. The bed is large enough to fit almost eight people. Besides, I don’t think the couch is comfortable.
Even for you.”
“It’s fine,” he said, straightening.
My heart dropped, along with my face. He’d never denied me before. I hadn’t realized how spoiled I was. I had truly messed this up. My chest burned.
Samkiel grinned. “I mean, it’s fine as long as I don’t move much.”
I let out a silent sigh of relief. “Come on. I promise to be on my best behavior.”
“Okay, if you are sure.” Wariness flickered in his tired eyes, but he grinned and followed me upstairs.
We entered the room, and the lights came on, a dull glow emanating from the corners of the room. Samkiel sat on the edge of the bed. He yawned again and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I’ll take a shower first, then you can.”
He nodded and flopped back on the bed.
I grabbed something to change into and padded barefoot across the stone floor to the bathroom. For the first time in a while, I feel lighter.
Talking about Gabby had smoothed the jagged edges of my grief. I knew I would never be healed or whole, but the dull ache in my chest had eased. I didn’t want to waste time in the giant bath, so I stepped into the glass- walled shower.
After washing the salt from my skin and hair, I headed to the sink to brush my teeth. My reflection stared back at me. My irises flashed red, and I dropped my toothbrush. Startled, I jumped back but then stepped forward again. I leaned close to the mirror, pulling at my lower lid, but my eyes remained their normal hazel color. Longing to feel the tingle of power, I tried to force the change, but as all the times before, nothing happened. I could have sworn I saw it, but maybe I was going crazy. I sighed and scrunched my face at my reflection before turning away.
The lights in the bedroom came back on when I entered. I pulled the towel from my hair and put it on the closest ottoman. Samkiel had changed while I was gone. I assumed he had used that very handy godly magic to
clean up. His dark tank and matching lounge pants almost matched mine.
He sprawled out on his stomach, his head turned away from me, and his massive arms hidden beneath the pillow.
I walked around to the other side of the bed, running my fingers through my damp hair. Samkiel’s eyes were closed, his mouth barely open, and his short dark hair stuck up in different directions. Moving as quietly as I could, I slipped onto the bed and grabbed the thick comforter, pulling it up over us.
“You’re going to get saltwater in the bed,” I said, my voice quiet. I slid my hand beneath my head as I watched him.
“I changed.” His reply was sleep riddled, his eyes remaining closed.
“You took too long.”
“Sorry, Your Majesty.”
The corners of his lips twitched. The lights dimmed until they went off, darkness settling over us. So many nights, they would do that, and I would jerk awake, unable to handle the absolute darkness. Now, hearing Samkiel’s steady breathing, knowing he was just a hair’s breadth away from me, and I wasn’t alone for once, I felt nothing but peace.
“Thank you for today.” It was a whisper in the dark, but oh, so much more.
I couldn’t see him because my powers were temporarily hiding, but I
heard a soft movement.
“You’re welcome.”
I closed my eyes, a mischievous smile playing on my lips. Maybe it was the day, how comfortable I felt, or the fact that I could finally relax, but I couldn’t resist teasing him. “I promise not to wake you up with my mouth in the morning. You obviously need your beauty sleep.”
The muffled laugh he let out was downright devious. “I assure you if you're ever feeling generous, you always have my permission.”
Liquid heat pooled between my thighs. I kicked him under the covers.
His laugh vibrated the bed, and I soon joined him. We lay in the quiet for a moment, the calm contentment a balm on my soul.
“Samkiel?”
“Hm?”
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “Can you promise to come back? It’s just better when you are here. Even if we are fighting.”
It was silent for a moment, and I was afraid he’d fallen asleep. Then I heard his hand slide across the bed and felt his finger wrap around mine.
“Pinky promise.”
He kept his finger interlocked with mine under the pillow between us.
My eyes closed, and for the first time in a really long while, I fell asleep without fear of what dreams I would have. I just slept and rested, but I could have sworn in the middle of the night we moved, could have sworn his hands wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me to him, my body fitting against his as if I were made for him. I could have sworn he had held me, and for once, it didn’t feel like my entire world was broken.
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