Sixty-Two
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Dianna
I felt like an idiot.
Six days. Six days Samkiel had been gone. Six days I’d been here
by myself. Not one member of The Hand came by. I didn’t expect them to come to hang out after my little incident, but no one even stopped to check in on me. I sat on the open window ledge with a huff, crossing my arms in irritation.
No birds sang, but no animals came around here, anyway. The only animal I had seen was that day Samkiel took me to the lake, and the stag had only approached because he was with me. No, I was completely and utterly alone. Maybe that was my problem. At least when he or someone was here, I had someone to argue with instead of being stuck in my head all the time. If I were honest, that was the reason I had kept Camilla alive and Roccurem near. At least with them around, that aching pit in my chest didn’t threaten to swallow me whole.
The edge of my long silk dress fell around me, draping across the floor.
I watched the sunrise, unable to sleep once again. I’d started to dream again, and I hated it. The same message haunted me through every
nightmare.
“You’re running out of time.”
I’d heard it for the first time in that damned house when I dreamed of Gabby. Now it was back with a vengeance. I woke last night dripping in sweat and panting. I couldn’t explain the overwhelming dread or that it felt like the voices were in the room with me. The last few nights, I’d snuck downstairs, but the couch was empty and cold. I’d even lain on it, trying to catch a whiff of his scent, but it had been too long. So I wandered, trying to
find something to distract myself. I had read whatever books I could find, walked around the stupid perimeter of the house, careful not to go too far into the forest again, and waited for him again like an idiot. I hated it. Anger soon replaced the warm feeling that had grown in my chest after his last visit, snuffing out any trace of it.
I stood and walked toward the front door. Maybe another walk around the forest would wear me out enough that I could sleep without dreaming. It had seemed to help at first, but it had made no difference the last few nights. Being outdoors was a nice reprieve, especially here. I’d never admit to anyone just how much I enjoyed the view, how the sun dipped behind every tree, how the clouds teased the mountains early in the morning, or the breeze that seemed to pass right when needed. If I was truly honest with myself, this was the first place in a long time that felt like home, but I refused to think about that for too long. The only dark spot was that the one person I missed so damned much would never be with me again. A part of me felt guilty being even slightly content, even for a moment. Maybe Samkiel was right, maybe I was punishing myself. I sighed. Another walk was needed. It at least gave me something to do. I grabbed the white and tan sandals and tied the twin ropes past my calves. One knot, then two, and I
was ready to go.
“Leaving?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin, whirling toward the front entrance. I held my hand out, ready to blast the intruder with fire, muscle memory
overriding my cognitive thinking.
“How did you…”
Samkiel shrugged. “I landed in the back.”
“You ass.” I grabbed one of the pillows from the couch and launched it at him. He stepped to the right, dodging it easily. I grabbed another and drew back to toss it, but he appeared in front of me and grabbed my wrist.
“You left me here for six days, Samkiel!” I nearly shouted.
Shock flashed across his face as if he had no idea. “Six days?”
“Yes, you self-righteous dick!” I jerked my wrist, trying to pull away from him, but he held me with ease.
“You said you would come back, yet you abandon me again?”
He shook his head as if fully registering just how much time had passed.
“I didn’t mean to, I swear it.”
“Let go of me,” I hissed.
“Are you going to throw another pillow at me?”
“Yes.”
He tipped his head to the side, staring at me, his eyes filled with
warmth.
“Fine. No.”
As soon as he released me, I bent and grabbed the pillow, smacking him in the shoulder this time.
His brows furrowed, and he sighed. “Are you done?”
“I asked you to come back, and you didn’t.”
His eyes softened. He reached out and grabbed the pillow from me. “I promise, I had no intention of being gone that long. I was… busy.”
“Oh, busy? I guess you had more important things to deal with. Pretty council members, maybe?” I crossed my arms, tapping my foot against the stone floor. “Maybe someone named Lydia?”
“Who is Lydia?”
I realized then that Cameron and Xavier had probably made her up just to taunt me. My face heated, and I changed the subject. “Where were you?
Why were you gone so long?”
Another emotion flashed across his face far too quickly for me to catch.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, stepping around me and heading toward the kitchen. “Have you eaten since I was away?”
“Why are you ignoring my question?”
He didn’t answer as he opened the large fridge and started pulling out
various items.
“Eat first, and then we can leave.”
We. Samkiel said it as if I would even want to spend time with him after he abandoned me.
“I think I can manage on my own. Like I have been doing. Don’t you have godly duties to attend to?”
A brief smirk crossed his features, but he seemed to have no desire to fight. “You are my only priority.”
His words made my stupid heart flutter and eased my ire enough that, for the first time, I actually looked at him. He was slicing more of the orange and green fruit, and I didn’t need my powers to feel how drained and
tired he was.
“What’s wrong with you?”
He looked up, surprise gleaming in his eyes. That was fair. I hadn’t cared about his well-being in months. I’d been more interested in killing him. Well, trying to, at least.
He merely shook his head. “I apologize. I am just tired.”
I stomped over, making sure every step sounded of my frustration. I sat across from Samkiel, and he slid me a plate of assorted fruits and bread
before starting on his own.
“Okay. Where have you been?”
I was still mad, but curiosity was eating at me. And even though I would never admit it to him, I was concerned.
“Godly duties.” He tossed my words back at me and flashed a small grin before sitting down.
I picked at the fruit and took a small bite. “How long are you back?”
He stopped eating, and I was afraid I’d said something wrong. “I think our primary focus needs to be getting your powers back.”
Okay, deflection. Fine. I deserved that. I placed my hands on the counter. “And how exactly do we plan to do that?”
“W e have been walking for hours . I f the plan to get my powers back is to exhaust me, it’s working.” I sighed.
Samkiel had been quiet for the most part, which was unusual, but I didn’t press. At least he made us a trail as we ventured to wherever we were going. With a wave of his hand, a cobblestone path had formed through the
undergrowth.
“What do you know about Yejedin?”
His voice startled me, and I stared at his back. “Not much. Why?”
He shrugged. “Research.”
I nodded but didn’t believe him. “Okay. Well, Kaden told me absolutely nothing about it. I didn’t even know it existed until I ran headfirst into another world bent on destroying him and myself. That’s all I got.”
He stopped as I kept going. “I apologize. There is—”
I stopped and spun toward him, tossing up my hands, the thought of my failure making me angsty once more. “There’s what?”
“Nothing.” He forced a smile and continued walking. “I have the council and others trying to learn more, is all.”
I fell into step with him, silence stretching between us once more. I hated silence so damn much. So to fill it, I said, “Kaden told me nothing.
He never did. Not anything about himself or other dimensions. With him, it was: do this for me, and you’ll see your sister.”
“I know, and I apologize. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“But,” I cut him off, “it wasn’t always like that. In the beginning, it was different. He taught me how to survive, how to feed, and how to live with what I’d become.” I trailed my fingers over a brilliant orange blossom, releasing an exotic alien scent into the air. “He wasn’t always as cruel. A long, long time ago, it used to be different. We actually got along. I guess it’s kind of like us now, huh? Except I’m the cruel one.”
His face turned stern. “You are nothing like him.”
I dropped my hand to my side. “Others would disagree.”
“Others do not know you as I do.”
A smile tugged at my lips as we walked on. He said he knew me, but he didn’t know all of me. I wanted to share it with him. I wanted him to know everything. A part of me hoped it would be the final tipping point and he'd leave me alone forever, but that same part whispered what a liar I was.
“Kaden was my first.” I glanced up at Samkiel, wanting to gauge his
reaction, but I saw only curiosity.
“First?”
I shrugged. “Not my first kiss but my first everything else.”
Realization flared in his eyes, and he nodded. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Gabby used to say that was why I put up with so much in the beginning. At the time, I thought I loved him.”
“Did you?” he asked, and I felt his eyes boring into the side of my face as if my answer meant something to him.
“No.” I shook my head. “I was young and naïve. Back then, I believed in the same stuff Gabby did. Then, a strange and powerful man saves my sister and me. He set the world at my fingertips, along with more power than I could imagine. Why would I not assume he cared? Even if he was….” I paused. “I told you before that I had tried to have a semi-normal relationship in an abnormal world, but it didn’t last.”
Samkiel nodded compassion and understanding in his eyes. The wind rustled the nearby trees, and the sun cast a violet glow across our path.
“When did it change?”
The snort that left me was as disgusting as the images that followed. “I don’t remember the exact time. Kaden grew distant. I don’t know why.
Then I caught him with someone else. After that, I was an object of sex and power to him. I was merely a weapon. He never loved me.” I shrugged. I knew why my insecurities and jealousy were so damn bad. Kaden had broken my heart, but worse, he had destroyed my trust not only in others but in myself.
A pained expression passed across Samkiel’s face, and I realized just how much I had opened up, how vulnerable I’d made myself. Kaden had put wounds on my heart and soul that had never really healed and still
festered.
“I have felt that way, too.”
My head whipped toward him. “You have?”
“Not to the extent of what Kaden has done to you, but similar, yes. I am a king by birth. I was not chosen or picked. It was mine because I was born into it, not because I earned it. I didn’t work for it. None of it. Some people worship and need me, but they don’t see me. They see a ruler and someone meant to protect them. I am a crown, not a man to them.” He lifted his hand, lightning dancing across his fingertips before bursting into a silver ball of energy. The forest bent and quaked around us, the wind picking up and spinning into a few small tornadoes of dust near our feet. “I am power, a guardian, nothing more.”
“I…” Knowing I had said the same vile, mean things to him, I didn’t know what to say.
He extinguished the power from his hand, and the forest returned to normal. “It may sound humorous given how The Hand acts, but a part of me has wondered if the only reason they are with me is out of duty….” His voice trailed off, and he looked at his feet.
“Sam—”
“My apologies. Perhaps that was too much. It’s easy for me to talk to you.” He forced one of those devilishly handsome smiles. “It always has been.”
I felt the corner of my lips twitch. “No, it’s fine. I just told you something personal, too, so I guess it’s easy to talk to you, as well.”
The tension in him eased, and his expression lightened at my words.
“Yeah?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged playfully. “Other times, I think about strangling you.”
“Ah.” He nodded, a deep chuckle rumbling from his chest. “Well, I suppose I wouldn’t wish it any other way.”
I didn’t know why, but his comment tugged at my heart. This is what we used to share, and I had missed it so damn much. I felt the small tug at the corners of my lips, but until his gaze dipped to my mouth and hope flared behind his storm-colored eyes, I hadn’t realized that I’d smiled.
“Your smile, Dianna, is only one of the most beautiful things about you.”
Beautiful. It was such a stupid word and one I had heard plenty of times before. Yet he said it, and I damn near melted. I cleared my throat, but my voice still sounded husky. “Do you always flirt with homicidal killers?”
His smile was bright, making him impossibly more gorgeous, and a part of me ached. “Only the really pretty ones.”
I rolled my eyes and quickly changed the subject. “You know, you never asked me how I killed Tobias.”
I didn’t like how his words made me feel, and I wanted to change the subject. He made me hopeful as if my world wasn’t in ruins, and that guilt came sweeping back.
“I assumed you’d tell me, eventually. Well, I hoped you would share,”
Samkiel said, his gaze focused on the overgrown patch of trees ahead.
“Really?” I asked, ducking beneath a low-hanging branch. The winding path in front of us continued to grow. “Well, funny story. It was actually
you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. I remembered what you taught me back at the Vanderkai’s mansion about large beasts and soft spots. Then I kind of let him swallow me and cut him from the inside out.”
Samkiel stopped and turned to look at me. “That’s—”
“Reckless?” I winced.
He shook his head in disbelief. “Astonishing. I have done that only once in my very long life and regretted it immediately.”
I laughed. “I have to admit, I also regretted it immediately.”
His wide smile was infectious, and I couldn’t help but return it. “Well, I suppose we now have something else in common.”
“Besides being stubborn, ancient beings?”
“Besides that.” Samkiel nodded and turned to lead the way. He held back a few branches and extended his hand, gesturing for me to go ahead of him. I walked down a small hill, wading through tall grass before my feet
touched soft sand.
“This is what I wanted you to see.”
“Another pretty lake off the beaten path?” I slipped my hand into his, the warm calluses scraping against my palm, sending a bolt of electricity straight through me. The simple contact made both of us falter. I looked up into his devastatingly beautiful face. He focused on me, the heat of his power winding around us, touching me with soft feathery caresses. I had missed this so much, missed him.
He tightened his hand on mine and spun me, wrapping his arm across my front and pulling me back against his chest. I froze, the sound finally registering. The ocean stretched to the horizon, where it touched the sky.
Sun-kissed waves crashed against the shore in a rhythmic pulse, sounding like the planet’s heartbeat. Sand rose in small dunes on an untouched beach.
My world tilted, tossing me back. I stood on that cliff again, the remnants of her fitting into a jar. All she was and ever had been in my hands and then spread across the world as I emptied it into the ocean, sending her remains
into the wind.
No.
Pain radiated from my core, and nausea rose. My chest heaved, and my
breathing turned ragged.
No.
Agony, pure and blinding, ripped through my head. Tears filled my eyes, his arms the only thing holding me up.
“No!”
I wrenched myself out of his arms and spun away from the ocean, running from the sound of the waves that felt like acid across my nerves.
“Dianna!” Samkiel called after me.
“No, I am not doing this.”
He appeared in front of me, his eyes scanning mine wildly as he held me at arm’s length. “I see you. Every single part. I see the part of you that you are trying to bury along with her.”
I slapped at his hands as hard as I could. “You see nothing,” I hissed, wishing I had more power and venom to throw at him. Without my powers, I was like a moth threatening a hawk. “You know, for a second, you had me.
I’ll admit that. You say things and make me feel. The flirting and the listening, you’re good. Gods, you’re good. Was that your plan all along? To make me a miserable, lonely mess so that when you showed up, I’d suddenly talk?”
“What? No. I am trying to help you, but you must also work with me.
Dianna, I have never met or heard of a god or goddess, let alone any other powerful being, suppressing their powers as thoroughly as you have. I don’t know the consequences of them returning or how violently they will, but we have to try. We have—”
“We don’t have to do anything.” I jerked at my arms, trying to get him to release me. He held me with ease, which was only fuel on the fire of my rage. I pushed so hard I probably would have twisted my arm off. I’d heard stories of wild animals chewing through their flesh to break free, and I was
tempted at this point. “Let. Me. Go.”
He did.
I turned away from him, uncaring of the direction. All I cared about was getting away from here, escaping the pain and memories. Every crash of the ocean against the shore battered at the place I’d hidden away the memories of her. It was physically painful and threatened to swallow me whole.
“Running away from what you feel solves nothing.” He called out.
“Oh, and you would know, wouldn’t you?” I spat and spun around,
kicking a flurry of sand at him.
“Yes, yes, I would.”
“Why are you doing this? Are you really trying to help me get my powers back? Do you really want to help me, or are you just that desperate to fuck me?”
“No!” he snapped. “Gods, Dianna, why is it so hard for you to believe that someone just genuinely cares about you?”
“Because they don’t!” I shouted, my voice breaking. “They don’t. I have lived a thousand years as someone’s weapon, someone’s thing.
Everyone wants something from me, and the only person in the whole world who didn’t is dead!”
My chest heaved, a dam threatening to break tenfold. There it was—the brutal, agonizing truth.
“You’re wrong.” His voice was like cold, hard steel. “She was not the only one. But you are also right that I do want something from you. I want you to be happy, healthy, and alive. I want the best for you because gods know you deserve it after every fucking thing you’ve been through. One day I want you to smile again, really smile. I want to help you heal as you helped me.”
My eyes burned this time, emotions crashing through me, mocking my anger. Samkiel’s words, my feelings, her death, memories of her, and my pain threatened to overwhelm me. My face crumpled, tears sliding down my face. I didn’t see him move, but Samkiel was suddenly before me, cupping my face and wiping away every single one.
“You knew about the ocean. You knew because I told you everything, and you brought me here, anyway.”
“I know,” he whispered, “and that’s why I did.”
I pushed at that ridiculously muscled chest. The impact hurt my wrists but didn’t budge him. “How could you?”
“Because I will not have you hate a memory so precious to you as my father did.”
Shock made me pause, my tears drying up as I stared up at him.
“What?”
“He burned gardens after my mother died. Anything she loved was gone. He shut down the estate and moved us away, locking away every single memory of her, growing cold, bitter, and merciless. Although he said he never did, he forgot about her. He erased her, and I will not let you suffer the same fate. Grieving is another form of love, Dianna. Do not unlove her by burying it. I know it hurts, it's beyond painful, but if you bury her memory, you erase her. So I need you to feel. I do not care if you snap at me or call me vicious names as long as you get it out. Holding it in is only poisoning you. I will not have you destroy yourself from the inside out. I refuse.”
My eyes scanned Samkiel’s, knowing he meant every word he said. I ached for him even in my anger and hurt, but what was he asking?
Whatever it was, it was too much for my broken and battered heart. I looked past him, scanning the horizon. I could damn near feel the pound of the waves, and all I saw was Gabby.
The images made my head throb, but I saw how we had run along the surf, kicking sand in our wake the first time we ever made it to the beach. I
saw her holding my hand. I saw myself jumping off cliffs because she was too scared to go first. She always looked to me when she was afraid, and I always went first to make sure it was safe, to make sure she was safe.
“I can’t,” I whispered. My heart felt like it was rupturing, sorrow threatening to drown me.
“You can. You will.” He took a step back and held out his hand. “And not alone.”
I looked at his outstretched hand. Those two simple words. Not alone.
“No one was there for me after I lost my father, my world. Not until you. I don’t want you to go through this alone. It won’t be easy, and there will be days you will feel like you don’t want to get out of bed, but I want to be there for you. Every day if you will let me.”
I didn’t move, didn’t speak. Samkiel stood there waiting for me, and I wondered if he had waited like this every day after I left.
“The ocean and the beach hold such happy memories with Gabby. Ones I wish for you to keep. She loved you so much, Dianna. She would never want a memory of her to hurt you, and neither do I. Trust that I will protect you, every part, and I will do everything I can to keep you from being hurt as long as I exist. I promise.”
My eyes met his, and I knew he meant everything he’d said. These weren’t just empty words and promises. He’d proven it repeatedly. His hand remained outstretched. A yawning bridge between us, a peace offering, a lifeline, and I desperately needed it. I realized Samkiel wasn’t just a light to me but an anchor, a shield. And he had been for a while now. I released a final defiant breath, meeting him stare for stare. A truth whispered toward me, knowing without a doubt that with him, I’d never be lost again.
I reached out and placed my hand in his, finally ready to at least try.
For him, I would try.
I spent what felt like an hour walking up and down the beach .
Samkiel never crowded me, he stood watching me, making sure I was okay.
The wind blew, and I gathered my hair back and knotted it. I could do this
and not break. With every step, the waves crashed harder, slamming against my subconscious. But I didn’t want to feel like this anymore. He was right.
I didn’t want to hate the things we had shared. I didn’t think being here would make me whole again, but it was a start to something.
I walked to his side finally, stopping near him as I brushed my hair from
my face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded, squinting against the sun as I looked at him. “You know you’re the only one who asks?”
Samkiel reached forward and stopped gauging my expression, a silent ask for permission to bring me some comfort, and I allowed it. He brushed a strand of hair from my face, but the wind just tugged it free again.
“We can—”
I gripped Samkiel’s arm, and he steadied me as I took my sandals off.
“It’s softer than Onuna,” I said, curling my toes into the warm sand.
He smiled and tucked his hands into his pockets. The wind played with his hair, blowing it across his forehead, his gray eyes clear and sparkling in the sunlight. “No one comes here. It’s yours if you wish it.”
“A whole beach?” I shook my head. “You’d give me a whole beach?”
“The world, if you wish.”
I smiled and brushed his hair off his forehead before staring out at the ocean. The sand grew cool and wet as I drew closer to the waves, Samkiel at my side. The water rushed forward, lapping at my feet. I wiggled my toes, watching as Samkiel did the same.
“I need to paint my toenails. It’s all chipped polish now.”
“What color?”
I shrugged, keeping my gaze on my feet, afraid to look up. “What’s your favorite?”
He chuckled and made a deep humming noise in his throat. “Hmm, I like red.”
“Flirt.” I smiled up at him, tucking back the few strands of hair the wind
tried to claim. “Red it is, then.”
“Too windy?” he asked.
I shrugged. “It’s nice.”
He glanced up, his eyes turning a molten silver. The wind slowed to a light breeze, just enough to keep us cool but not blow my hair everywhere.
“Show off.”
He smirked. “I would hate for it to mess up your hair.”
I tried to give him a mock glare but ended up smiling. He rubbed his
eyes and yawned.
“Tired?”
He nodded. “I didn’t mean to be gone so long. I was just… busy.”
I didn’t press. I had no right to even question him or what he had to do.
He was cleaning up my mess again. I had caused him enough trouble.
“It’s not my business, and besides, I wasn’t very nice back there. I’m sorry.”
“Your reactions, as quick and harsh as they are, come from a place that wishes to protect you. You hurt, so you hurt others. It’s a defense mechanism. I should have told you where I had planned to take you. So, I am sorry as well.”
I leaned into him, bumping against his shoulder. “Look at us, making progress.”
He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side.
“Do you want to get in?” I nodded toward the ocean. “With me?”
Surprise etched his features, but he only nodded. “Of course, but I didn’t bring anything with us. I assumed we would just watch the waves
today, if even that.”
“Why not have fun while we're here?”
“Okay.” He smiled. “What does one wear on Onuna to swim?”
“Do you remember when you rescued Gabby the first time?” I swallowed the lump in my throat at saying her name out loud.
He nodded and waited.
“Stuff like what they were wearing at the resort.”
“Oh,” he said, stepping away and snapping his fingers. “Like this?”
I tossed my head back and laughed, the sound mixing with the song of the waves. Samkiel looked absolutely ridiculous with the overgrown hat, a stripe of sunscreen down the bridge of his nose, an inflatable animal around his waist, and yellow swim trunks.
He smiled widely at me as I got my amusement under control. “What did I do wrong?”
“That is not what I had in mind,” I said, waving my hand in his general direction before bursting into giggles again.
Samkiel stared at me as if memorizing my smile, and I knew he’d done it for this exact reaction.
“Let me.” I took the hat off. I shook my head and pointed at the inflatable animal around his waist. He discarded it with another snap of his fingers. I dipped my hands into the water before pushing onto my tiptoes to wipe the sunscreen from his nose.
“Okay, that is better.” I smiled and took a step back. The yellow swimming trunks could stay because they fit him like a glove. I bit my lower lip, admiring his beauty. Every line and muscle looked sculpted by the gods. He didn’t look real.
“You are what they imagine when they sculpt gods on Onuna.”
“Is that so?”
He knew it, but I indulged him regardless. “It is.”
“That wouldn’t be a compliment now, would it, Dianna?”
“Absolutely not.” I smiled widely.
My heart thudded loudly, and I wondered if he could hear it. The sun caressed his tanned skin, and my eyes followed. My hand flexed at the memory of the feel of him, the taste of him. I took a shuddering breath.
Samkiel was beautiful. Who didn’t know that? It was mentioned in literally every fucking book he was named in. Even in the ones where he was covered in armor or the entrails of whatever beast he’d slain.
Silver scars striped his skin, testimonies to his strength and ability. I knew the stories behind some of them and longed to learn about those I didn’t. The Goddess Nismera had given him the one across his neck. His broad, powerful shoulders had withstood many battles, a multitude of scars crisscrossing them to prove it. Claw marks slashed across his perfect chest, and smaller ones shined between his abs. My gaze slipped to the twin, long diagonal lines of his oblique muscles that disappeared beneath the waistband of his swimming trunks and the sprinkle of hair beneath his belly button. My mouth watered, and my face flushed, imagining tracing every scar, every hard line, with my tongue.
I cleared my throat and said, “Okay, my turn. I want yellow like yours.”
Whether he noticed the heat of my gaze or not, he didn't respond to it, only my request. “Coming right up.”
With another snap of his fingers, a yellow two-piece suit replaced my clothes. It fit perfectly, covering everything it needed to but leaving a lot of skin showing. I put my hands on my hips and gave him a mock glare.
“So, apparently, you noticed what other women were wearing.”
His smile was downright devilish as his gaze slid over me in pure male
appreciation.
“No, I just know what you like.”
“Liar,” I teased and nodded at the waves. “I’ll race you.”
“Race?” He cocked his head and waved toward the ocean. “The water is right there.”
I grinned at him and took three large steps before diving in. I heard him hit the water right behind me. The world above disappeared as I swam deeper and opened my eyes. The reefs were prettier than anything I had ever seen, but I saw no fish. My lungs burned, and I reversed direction, kicking hard to break the surface. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel of the sun on my face.
“You cheated,” he said as I wiped the water from my face, the waves lapping at us.
“Who said I’d play fair?” I said with a big grin. He laughed and splashed water against my face.
We stayed like that for a while, a playful, bickering mess with no more harsh words or vile tempers. I even convinced Samkiel to toss me into the air a few times. He threw me so high that I was able to spin or curl before diving back into the water. It was a distraction and a good one. I hadn’t been swimming in so long that I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it.
Clouds rolled in as the sun sank closer to the horizon. I floated on my back, staring at the overcast sky and the clouds curling around the mountains beyond the shore. I heard the ripples near me as Samkiel swam closer. “It’s so pretty here.”
“It is. Rashearim was indescribable. This is only a fraction.”
I shifted in the water, kicking to keep myself up and tipping my head to clear the water from my ears. Samkiel was looking at a waterfall cascading down the steep mountain in the distance. Muscles flexed easily across his arms and shoulders as he treaded water. His hair was slicked back from his face, gleaming in the sunlight. He was a work of art and way too perfect to be true. To find someone as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside
was indescribable.
“I didn’t think anyone would notice.”
“What?” he asked, turning toward me.
“Gabby was gone. I wanted Kaden dead, and I didn’t care. I had hoped if I fought him, even if I won, he would take me with him. It never occurred to me that anyone would notice I was gone.”
Pain and anger flashed in his eyes, and he swam toward me. I didn’t back away or avoid his gaze, even as my eyes burned. He stopped in front of me, brushing his thumb against the curve of my cheek. “I would have,” he whispered. “I would have.”
I nodded, tears blurring my vision. Something in me broke. It hurt, but it felt clean as if it needed to break, and now it had a chance of healing.
Samkiel had been right. It helped to see this. Being here forced me to face my fears and memories. But none of that was what broke me, shattering my composure.
Samkiel’s arms went around me, and he pulled me in close, his powerful body easily keeping us afloat. Like he always did. My body rocked as I sobbed. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, burying my face against his neck. He had said it before, but I truly heard it this time. He had proven it, time and time again, and hearing him say it today was my true undoing.
No matter how mean I was, how cruel, vile, and hateful, Samkiel saw me, and he cared.
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