Sixty
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Dianna
“C ameron and I have shared before.”
I glanced at Samkiel over my bare shoulder. “Shared? I thought
Imogen was the only one in The Hand you had slept with.”
He tugged another shard of glass from my back, and I couldn’t keep from wincing. Holy gods, how many pieces did I have stuck in me?
“She is. Cameron and I have never been together, but I allowed my lovers to do whatever and whoever they wished.”
A small smile curved my lips. “Oh, so all the yelling downstairs was because you were jealous and not at all about my safety?”
“Perhaps both.” Samkiel’s hands stilled on my back.
“Both?”
“I do not wish him to get comfortable or have the wrong idea where you are concerned.”
“And what if he is what I want?” I asked, turning a bit to look at him.
Anger, jealousy, and another emotion I couldn’t read crossed his features, the silver pooling at the edge of his irises. The air crackled off my comment alone, just the thought enough to set him off.
“Do you?” His voice rumbled like thunder. So mortals didn’t make him jealous, but Otherworld men did.
A wicked smile crossed my face. “No, I don’t want Cameron. I mostly wanted to see if that vein still pops up on your forehead. It does, by the
way.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re not funny.”
“I think I’m hilarious. Now calm down before you destroy my pretty castle. And besides, even the dead could see Cameron is in love with
Xavier.”
Samkiel grunted in agreement. It seemed everyone knew except Cameron and Xavier. “Turn back around, Dianna.”
“Touchy, touchy.” I smirked but turned around, not wanting to push him further. He may still be irritated, but the room had stopped shaking, which was a plus.
Silence fell again. The only sounds were my hisses of pain and glass hitting the ceramic bowl. I sat still on a low ottoman in the massive bathroom, Samkiel behind me. My hands cupped my breasts, holding a thin robe against my torso.
I sighed. “Also, this doesn’t count as me disrobing in front of you
again.”
“It’s fine.”
“I’m just saying I’m not trying to tease you, as you put it.”
“I said it’s fine, Dianna.” The way he said my name wasn’t how he normally said it. No, this sounded exasperated, rough, and abrasive.
“Why are you so mad, anyway?” I half turned again to look at him over my shoulder.
Samkiel glared at me. “Turn back around.”
I did.
“Look—”
“Don’t.” The last pieces of glass hit the bowl with enough force to make me nervous. “I don’t wish to hear your excuses for any of it.”
Samkiel never got mad, at least not with me, and I had tried to kill him multiple times. Silver light gleamed across my shoulders, illuminating the bathroom. Even without his hand touching me, I could feel him. A shiver ran up my bruised spine.
Samkiel noticed and paused. He noticed everything when it came to me, attuned to my every breath.
“I’m fine,” I said, shaking my head and easing back into my robe.
He reached out and stopped me, the warmth of his power washing over my back. The wounds tingled and itched as the skin mended.
The ottoman creaked as he stood. I pulled on the robe and tied it closed.
He wouldn’t look at me, although my eyes stared a hole through him. He washed the blood off his hands, furiously scrubbing at his cuticles and nails.
Vampire dust and blood had turned his council garbs a splotchy gray.
“Do they make dry cleaners for godly clothes?”
His hands slammed against the stone vanity so hard it cracked. “Is this humorous to you? Is everything a joke?”
“You left me for days, and you’re mad I wanted to go out?” I demanded, his anger finally tripping my own temper.
He lifted his head, staring at me through the mirror, his storm-gray eyes filled with rage. “You made it abundantly clear you did not wish for me to be around, Dianna. Again.”
I opened my mouth to respond but snapped it shut when I realized I had no words. Samkiel was right. I had been beyond mean.
Samkiel grabbed a towel off the shelf and turned toward me. “Your life means nothing to you. I get it. You have told me and shown me often enough. Fine, but what about the people it does matter to? What about those that do care about you? Have you thought of that? Are you that damned
selfish you think of no one else now?”
My mouth fell open. “How dare you?”
“How dare I? How dare you! You are not innocent in this. Do not pretend that my feelings were ever one-sided. You were there with me every step of the way through Onuna and every godsdamn place you dragged me.
What about me? You may be replaceable to Kaden and his ilk, but you are not to me.”
I had been prepared to lash out, but when he spoke to me like that, his voice echoing with such raw pain, it extinguished any desire I had to fight.
My heart thudded in my chest. Whether I wanted to admit it, his words soothed the bruised, aching part of me. I wrapped my arms around my chest.
“Look,” my voice was barely a whisper, “it wasn’t like before. I didn’t
go there to get killed, okay?”
“Then what were you doing?”
I tossed my hands up in defeat. “I was just tired of staying in this stupid palace waiting for you to come back.”
His face softened slightly as if my words tempered the storm raging beneath his surface. “You told me to stay away unless you called. You did not. I abided by your wishes.”
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “I know. I just… Look, I didn’t know she was there or was even going to show up. I just wanted to have fun. Or attempt to at least.”
His eyes flashed as if me stating that kindled some spark of hope in him.
“I understand.” He released a breath, his hands flexing across the marble sink. “Regardless, you know better than to go to Onuna alone.”
“I wasn’t alone.”
His eyes met mine. “If you possess a fraction of his power, Cameron and Xavier, while skilled, are not a fair match for Kaden.”
I only nodded and lowered my head, knowing he was right. I had been foolish and careless, not only with my life but with Cameron’s and Xavier’s, as well. Samkiel ran a hand over his face, blowing out a long breath.
The bathroom fell silent, leaving us glaring at one another, but the hunger and raw need I saw reflected in his eyes forced the words from my lips. Words I’d only meant when I’d said them to Gabby.
“I’m sorry.”
Surprise flashed in his eyes, the anger slowly dissipating. I hugged the thin robe closer to myself.
“Was that my lecture?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
A single brow rose. “Do you need to be lectured?”
“You’re the one who is angry.”
He stared at me, looking too hard, too deep, too long. My heart, the jaded and cracked thing it was, fluttered with hope. A part of me already knew he saw the reality of me, but it was finally sinking in that his feelings were unwavering and true.
“It was not anger that I felt. It was fear.”
“Fear?”
“Yes, fear because when I learned of where you were and what was happening, I realized there is no limit to what I am willing to do for you.
The old gods spoke of how powerful we all are and how our emotions can override the critical part of our brains. We trained religiously to ensure the realms, the people, come before all else. We cannot be selfish, but I fear that with you, it is not something I can control. When Vincent told me what was happening, I knew I would rip Onuna to pieces for you. If Kaden had taken you, I would turn mountains to sand to find you. I’ve reduced worlds to desolate wastes before, and I’d do it again for you.” He said it so calmly I didn’t think he knew what he was saying. “I thought he had tried to take you again, and I wasn’t there. I am not used to that kind of fear, Dianna.”
My mind flashed to our conversation on that stone bridge. I asked him then if he feared me, and his response was simple. No. Because he wasn't
afraid of me, only afraid of losing me. Regret filled me as I realized what images must have terrorized him too. Back in that damn jungle when he’d had to carry me, my body ripped to pieces and covered in my blood. The bloody mess he’d had to heal, unable to ease the pain of it. That was why he was so mad. After everything I’d seen of Samkiel, it seemed impossible he would fear anything, but if Samkiel was anything, he was always honest, even brutally so, if he had to be. So here he was again, laying his heart open and bare, waiting for me to claim it and heal it, but I feared all I would do was damage it more, breaking him like I was broken. Maybe him saying he was scared and me saying sorry were two truths we both needed to admit.
“That’s also not very heroic, placing me above all else.” I swallowed back the rising emotions that threatened to drown me.
“It is not.” He glanced toward me and changed the subject, recognizing my deflection. “I do have a question, which I wish answered honestly.”
“What?”
“Why didn’t you fight back more?”
“No powers, remember?” I responded dryly, glad the question had nothing to do with my feelings.
“I’ve seen you fight. I’ve taught you several ways to disarm men three times your size using no power at all. Try again.”
My eyes narrowed into slits, and I glared at him but said nothing.
“You know what I think?” he asked.
“Probably something stupid.”
A grin tugged at his lips. He pushed away from the counter and strode toward me, his powerful body moving with predatory grace. He knelt before me, and I scooted back, even as a part of me trilled in excitement.
Damn traitorous body.
“I think you are powerful enough to turn your powers off.” He lifted his hands, snapping his fingers. “Like a switch.”
I avoided his gaze. “I’m not that strong.”
“Dianna, all you have done since I met you is surprise me. So yes, I think that’s exactly what you did. I don’t think you did it consciously, but I think you don’t want them anymore. You buried them in grief and pain and let a few vampires beat your ass because you think you deserve it.”
Too close. Too much. Samkiel was always too close, and he always saw
too much.
“And why would I do that?”
He lifted one hand and unbuttoned his council garbs, revealing his tanned chiseled chest. My mouth watered like a starved beast desperate to be fed. I wondered if Samkiel was the type of male to make a sound if I flicked my tongue across his nipple or grazed it with my teeth. My gums ached, fangs begging to spring forward and attach to his flesh, only none
came.
“See this scar?”
He pointed to a small line beneath one of his abs, pulling me from my illicit thoughts. The mark was barely visible.
“Yes.”
“I got into a fight a long, long time ago, one amongst many, with a man who I didn’t know was, in your mortal terms, married at the time. He lost, of course, but I let him get a shot in because I felt guilty for my part in the whole situation.”
The jealousy that flared to life in my gut annoyed even me. Not only was Samkiel not mine, but this happened centuries ago.
“Let me guess. You slept with his girlfriend?”
“Husband, actually. I was not aware at the time.”
“Wait, so there is marriage in your world outside of the Mark of Dhihsin?”
“Yes, although it is not taken as seriously. Not all are lucky enough to have a mate, and sometimes mates die long before the two ever meet. It happens, so there are many other ways to bond and show commitment and affection.”
I nodded, and he buttoned his council garbs closed. It would have been unseemly for me to beg him not to bother, so I controlled myself and tried to focus on his words.
“The point of the story is, why do you punish yourself?”
I knew why. I’d tried to bury it, but my traitorous mind would not allow it. Like an overeager assistant, my brain shoved the image of Samkiel and me returning from Roccurem’s realm.
“It’s late, and I’m tired,” I said and shot to my feet, nearly toppling him over in my haste to retreat. I left the bathroom, leaving him kneeling on the floor. In my bedroom, I discarded my robe and pulled on a clean tank top before crawling into the massive bed. I made sure to face away from the photo of Gabby and me.
I heard him exit the bathroom, and his footsteps paused outside the room.
“Will you stay tonight?” I murmured from beneath the covers, waiting
for his response with bated breath.
“If you wish for me too.”
I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “And you’ll come back tomorrow after whatever council meeting you have?”
There was a long pause, but I was too afraid to look and see if he was
still there.
“Would you like me to?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation.
“Then I will.”
I heard his footsteps as he left. Knowing he was downstairs eased the gnawing, aching void in my chest, and I realized what was wrong with me.
I was lonely. Lonelier than I had been in my entire life, and even though we fought and bickered, I didn’t feel so empty when he was around.
And a lock on a door in a house rattled.
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