Fifty-Four
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Dianna. A Few Days Later.
H e made every morning and evening terrible. I hated him, absolutely
hated him.
“Why do I have to do this again?” I groaned. Samkiel strode up the curved rocky path. I stopped, placing my hands on my knees. My ponytail swung forward, the tip reaching toward the ground. My lungs were on fire, and each gasp seemed to make it worse.
He sighed. “As I told you the first five times you asked, it’s an expressive way to work out all your anger, aggression, anxiety—”
“Yes, yes, yes,” I mocked, trying to catch my breath.
“There are other forms of cardio if you’re interested.” The smile he flashed at me made my cheeks heat. Even covered in sweat, he was so damn handsome it was sickening. All I could think about was how jealous I was that it got to touch every dip and ridge of muscle. Yes, I absolutely hated him.
I stood up and strode past him without responding, his soft chuckle following me. That was his plan. He wanted to annoy the emotions out of me, and by gods, I hated that it was working. I hated him.
“Walk in front of me,” I snapped. “I don’t want you staring at my ass.”
He grinned that devastating grin I loathed and leaned down to whisper in my ear as he passed, “I don’t need to stare. I have it memorized. Now if you wanted to let me see it bare again—”
My hand shot out to smack him, but he dodged and continued along the trail, his laughter filling the air.
“Don’t you ever get tired of flirting?” I snapped.
“With you? Never. You are fun to play with, Dianna.”
My fists clenched at my sides. Samkiel was going to be the death of me.
I huffed and puffed my way behind him, staring at every ripple of muscle.
He was the epitome of male beauty, from his broad shoulders to his tapered waist. I mean, even his legs were sexy. What the fuck was wrong with me?
This was a bad idea. Maybe I should walk in front of him.
“Keep up!” he yelled, and I cursed.
He wanted a reaction out of me, whether good or bad. When I cursed him or tried to kick him, he smiled a fraction wider, as if the display of any emotion was proof I was here, alive and not dying inside. And maybe, just maybe, all the banter did stir something other than despair in me, even if it was against my will.
The altitude at this height was almost crippling, but the view was worth it. I stopped again under the pretense of taking it all in. Mountains, far larger than I had ever seen, surrounded us. Green wasn’t even the color I would use to describe the landscape. It was so much more vibrant and alive.
The sky damn near shimmered behind the rolling clouds. It was reminiscent of the images of eternal paradise people painted back on Onuna. Ignoring the slap of pain, I wondered if this was what Gabby saw now. Was she
somewhere like this and happy?
I hoped so.
With a deep sigh, I turned away and rushed to catch up with Samkiel.
My back, my thighs, and my arms hurt. No, that was a lie. Everything hurt.
Every day Samkiel could escape from his duties with the council, he dragged me out to this mountain and ran me up and down it. At first, I struggled to keep up, and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t complained the entire time. But I still did it. He never spoke of what went on behind the council doors, but his mood was always sour when he came to me. By the way he watched me, I had a feeling I was often a topic of conversation. It was either all about me or something worse.
“You won’t have to send me to the council.” I huffed and leaned back, trying to catch my breath, my hand resting on my sweat-soaked side. “I’ll die from exhaustion before then.”
Samkiel turned around and walked backward, not missing a step or stumbling. “I don’t remember you complaining this much,” he quipped.
“Why are we doing this again?” I wiped my brow.
He smiled and turned around. The crunch of our shoes against the rocks was the only sound.
“If I am being honest,” he said, “this was another test.”
I paused next to a jagged rock. “Another test?”
He nodded. “The air at this altitude would kill a mortal, which means your powers are still there, bubbling under the surface.”
I stood straight, my fists clenching at my side. “You mean I could have died instead of just being worn out?”
He only smiled, not even flinching. “It wouldn’t have reached that point. I watched you every second of the way, listening to every heartbeat, every breath. I would have felt the blood vessels constricting the second it became too much, and we would have stopped.”
“So, I haven’t lost my powers?”
“No, but they are severely suppressed. So much so that even when you are angry, your hands don’t even flicker.”
I glanced at my hands, opening and closing them, missing the familiar rush of power and warmth. I felt hollow and empty, but maybe this was better.
“Maybe you’re wrong,” I said, wiping sweat from my face.
“I’m not.”
I glared at him. “You don’t know everything.”
“Why bury your powers so deeply?”
I glanced toward him as if one of the reasons wasn’t staring me in my face. “I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay.” He took a step closer, the rocks beneath his feet crunching.
“We’ll figure it out.”
My heart lurched as he held out his hand, his pinky extended. I looked at it, remembering what it meant, what had transpired between us, and
shoved past him.
“I’m ready to go.”
I t was like that for days , S amkiel trying to reach me and me shutting him down. I lashed out because I didn’t feel so miserable when he was around, and that pissed me off more than anything.
Our latest argument was him trying to get me to eat. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to, but nothing sounded or tasted appetizing. Everything was bland, and after a few bites, I was done, no matter what fancy breads, meats, or fruits he brought.
Something felt off, but I would not tell him that. It could be a side effect of losing my powers. I had lived on blood and bone for months and wasn’t sure I could return to regular food. After a few days, I stopped thinking about it, not caring enough to really worry about it.
Even though we argued and I complained the whole time, being with him and participating in his crazy, stupid exercise routines seemed to help me. I slept and didn’t dream, too tired for even that, but Samkiel wasn’t with me all the time. I watched his light leave and cursed myself as I stayed awake, watching for his return. Sometimes when he returned late, I’d run to the bed, fake sleep as if I hadn't been waiting, and finally doze off when I heard him downstairs. We no longer shared a bed, but just having him downstairs brought me peace. That swirling, aching void in my chest didn’t scream when he was near. Although, I’d never admit it to him.
I regretted undressing in front of him. It had been wrong, and I’d set him off when I had no right to. I didn’t want to start what we had again, even if my body happily disagreed. Sex with Samkiel, even knowing how exciting and amazing it would be, would mean too much, and I didn’t have the will to figure out what that meant.
Of course, Samkiel wasn’t making it easy to resist. On our runs, he would take his shirt off. I knew he wasn’t overheated, even if he was sweating. I had seen him call a breeze when I complained it was too hot one day. No, he was just trying to torture me after the bathroom incident. I knew it.
Not that I looked, stared, or counted how many abs he had, which was too many, by the way. I especially didn’t notice the twin lines that ran on either side of them, disappearing below the waistband of his pants. Or the line of finely-dusted hair that trailed—
A rumble echoed from my midsection, my cheeks flushing.
Samkiel’s head whipped toward me. “Are you hungry?”
I splayed my hand over the damp fabric of my shirt and glared at him.
“No.” And I wasn’t. Not for food, at least.
The sound of water had me looking around. “No mountain running today?”
He shook his head. “No, I wanted to show you something.” He offered me his hand, but I just looked at it. “I don’t bite. That’s all you, remember?”
“Funny.” I rolled my eyes and ignored the slight shock that went through me when I put my hand in his.
He smiled, his large hand engulfing mine as he led me down a small slope.
I gasped as he pushed through the foliage. “Wow.”
“Pretty, isn’t it?” He smiled at me.
It was. A waterfall spilled into a deep, wide pool before flowing to the river. Trees that dared to touch the sky surrounded us in every direction.
“Stay here.”
He strode away, and I waited, drinking in the beauty and savoring the cool mist that rolled from the waterfall. Large rocks pushed from the shallows, and flowers with blooming bushes crowded the shore. The crash of the water was the only sound, drowning out all noise and leaving peace behind. A part of me wanted to sit down and never leave.
“Here,” Samkiel said, emerging from the bushes with a handful of
berries.
“I’m not hungry.”
He shook his head, smiling softly. “They are not for you.”
Before I could ask, a rustle came from behind me. I turned to see a large, beautiful stag easing his head through the bushes. He took one look at
me and shuffled back into the forest.
I frowned. “Well, that was rude.”
“Just wait.”
Samkiel stepped in front of me and let out an odd ululating whistle.
Branches rustled again, and I braced for it to run away and leave like everyone else.
“This is stupid.” I huffed, folding my arms across my chest.
“Just wait.” Samkiel held his hand toward me as if I was the doting
fawn attempting to flee.
I sighed but stood still, watching.
Samkiel whistled again, a chuff coming from the stag before it finally emerged from the overgrowth.
Its heavy antlers made me think of a stag, but its clawed feet, iridescent coat, and four eyes it was unlike any creature I had ever seen. Samkiel
whistled again, and the stag glanced toward me, lowering its head. Its massive size and beauty were overwhelming.
“It fears me?” I whispered, unable to hide the hurt in my voice. It made little sense that it would matter. I hadn’t even known this animal existed a moment ago.
“Come on,” Samkiel said sweetly. “She’s friendly. I promise.”
I glared at Samkiel’s back, but the stag obeyed, approaching me with its head held high. He had to be ancient with how his antlers branched, yet he feared me. Samkiel came to his other side, holding his hand out with the berries. The stag accepted his offering as Samkiel petted his smooth coat.
“Go on,” he said, nodding at me.
I didn’t know why I was suddenly so nervous, but I wanted the freaking animal to like me. I reached out slowly. It watched me, still feeding from Samkiel’s hand. My fingers touched his fur, and I smiled.
“He’s so soft. His fur feels like feathers.”
Samkiel watched me with a smile. “They are ancient. On Rashearim, they represented strength and power. The Lorveg stag was my mother’s symbol.”
My hand stilled as the stag raised its head. “Really?”
Samkiel nodded, his smile dropping. “Yes, and this is the last one left in the world.”
My chest felt tight. “How did you get him?”
He shrugged, wiping his now empty hands on his long shorts. “I saved what I could from Rashearim, but I also destroyed many in my grief. That is just one of many regrets I carry.”
Samkiel smiled, not at me this time, but toward the animal between us. I watched as he raised his hand, stroking down the side of the stag's neck. It chuffed, content as could be, but it was the distressed look filling Samkiel’s storm-clouded eyes that made me speak next.
“Oh, so you brought me out for a lesson, not to swim naked in a lake?”
I tried to lighten the mood, make a joke, anything to ease the hurt in his eyes. It was enough to make my own broken chest ache.
He nodded toward my hand, not rising to the bait. “Go ahead, feed him.”
I held my hand out, and the stag studied me. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
Samkiel continued to run his hand along the beast’s flank. “Only a fool would not.”
My small smile became a giggle as the stag’s bristled muzzle teased at my palm. “It tickles.”
Samkiel said nothing as he watched me. The stag ate all the berries and afterward grazed for the fallen ones as I petted him. Silence grew but not uncomfortably. It never was between us. I knew Samkiel brought me peace.
I could spend hours just in his presence and never feel the need to break the silence. It was something I hadn’t even admitted to myself, much less told him, but one reason among so many, why I’d left in the first place.
“You know, when Gabby and I were younger, she loved these stories and fairy tales about princesses who could talk to animals.”
Samkiel glanced up at me over the slope of the stags’ back. “Do you
think I am a princess?”
“Absolutely. You’re spoiled like one.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Well, I hate to ruin your illusion, but I do not talk to them, not really. It is more so an understanding, I suppose.”
I nodded slowly, even as my lips twitched. “Sure thing, princess.”
His eyes cut to mine, and I had a second to regret my decision before he flicked his wrist, and lake water splashed over me.
I gasped, and the stag made a displeased noise in its throat.
“You.” I huffed, my arms and face dripping. “Didn’t.”
He shrugged, utterly unfazed, as he continued to pet the stag that grazed between us. “I did.”
My rebellious scream scared the stag away, but I got my revenge.
W e reached a dirt path that curved toward the palace , both of us dripping water and covered in mossy greens. It took a lot of force, but I eventually pushed him into the lake. I suspected he’d let me, but I still called it a win. Surprisingly, it was quite challenging to drown a god. I caught him glancing at me every so often, a smile on his lips, and I found myself smiling back, both of us giggling like fools at the complete and
absolute ridiculousness that had transpired in the lake. For once, I didn’t get lost in my head.
The sun danced off the tips of the turrets where they pierced the forest’s canopy. I hadn’t realized how large the place was until we were outside.
I grabbed the end of my shirt and wrung it out, water spilling onto the stone bridge.
“You think I can catch an illness with no powers?”
He shook his head, smiling softly. “Doubtful. I’m afraid even illnesses would fear you.”
“Ass.” I swatted at him, but he dodged me effortlessly. “Do you fear me?”
His grin turned into a closed-lipped smile as he took a step toward me. I don’t know why I asked that question or why I was so desperate to know, but a part of me, behind lock and key, was curious.
“No.” His eyes scanned my face. “You’d have to do something truly terrifying to scare me, and I have not seen it yet.”
A part of me, made of scales, claws, and lethal bite, smoldered under those words.
Samkiel reached out and removed a small twisted branch from my hair, his fingers lingering along the ends, and I let them. “Do you want something to eat?” he asked hopefully.
“Maybe, but let me do it because your cooking sucks. That’s probably why I haven’t wanted to eat.”
He barked a laugh, and the ground shook. Samkiel was in front of me in the next breath, his powerful back blocking all from sight.
“You’re needed at the council.”
Logan.
I peered around Samkiel. Logan’s gaze bounced between us, taking in our disarray before a bright smile lit his features.
“Very well,” Samkiel said, turning toward me. “Let me walk Dianna back, and I will be there.”
Reality crashed back in, erasing the simple joy of the day. I was doing it again. Pretending everything was fine, that we were…. I swallowed. We weren’t having fun. This wasn’t a vacation or an escape. I was still a monster who got her sister killed, had done terrible things in the name of vengeance, and Samkiel had a council who wanted my head.
My face blanched as I took a step back from him. He saw the change, and his expression turned stony as if he could sense the defenses I was currently rebuilding.
“I think I can survive a few feet without you,” I said.
Samkiel’s brows furrowed. “Dianna.”
I held my hand up. “Seriously, I’m fine. I doubt I will get kidnapped or trampled or anything else you could possibly worry over on the way.” He took a deep breath, but I cut him off. “Just go.”
Thick unspoken tension heavier than a stone wall slammed down between us.
“Very well,” he said, deciding not to argue for once.
With a snap of his fingers, the path to the palace turned to cobblestone.
A railing of the same stone appeared, vines and blooms of various bright
colors draping it.
I turned back, glaring at him.
“Just in case. I’d hate for you to get lost,” Samkiel said with a smile.
With another flick of his fingers, every ounce of sweat, dirt, and water disappeared from me, then him, his dirty clothes replaced by his silver and white council garbs, the split tail of his jacket flaring behind him. Regal and
majestic, the total opposite of me.
“I’ll return when I can.”
“No.”
“No?”
I squared my shoulders, and that impenetrable wall fully formed between us, erecting itself around my bruised and damaged heart. Every brick he had cast down, I replaced in an instant.
“This isn’t helping either of us. Apparently, you are needed elsewhere, and all you’re doing is wasting your time coming back. In the future, just send The Hand to check on me. The quicker you handle the council, the quicker I can leave here. Whatever you all decide to do with me, at least it
will be over.”
“Dianna—”
“They need you. I don’t.” My demons screamed at me. Lie. Hurt him.
Push him away! “If worse comes to worst, I’ll call, yell your name, or whatever. Otherwise, just stay there.”
Samkiel’s jaw tightened, his lips pressed into a grim line as I erased every small bit of joy we had shared in the last few moments. “As you wish.
I will await your call then, Dianna.”
Logan looked between us, his brow furrowing as he tried to decipher the undercurrents. Cerulean light encased him, a beautiful compliment to the silver that surrounded Samkiel.
I stayed there on the stone path Samkiel had made for me, watching as he and Logan took to the sky. As his silver light faded, the cold numbness crept back in. I remained until night fell, in no hurry to return to the empty palace, pretending not to search the sky for him.
A day passed , then another and another . I counted the sunrises from my bed, keeping myself cocooned inside. The first day was fine. I was sore and needed the rest. I heard footsteps downstairs the following day, but they were too light to be his. Xavier called my name, saying they were here to drop off food. I covered my head just before he entered the room, faking sleep. Whether he bought my act, I didn’t care. I only cared that they left.
Another day came, and night fell, but I barely moved. I lay in bed staring at the picture of Gabby and me. The air shifted, and I knew I wasn’t alone. I shot up, yanking the covers from my face as Roccurem formed.
He glanced around the room, reaching out to run his hand across the top of a tall dresser. “I have not seen fallen oak in centuries. It is rare.”
“Where the fuck have you been? I assumed Samkiel had you locked up somewhere.”
“Fortunately, I am more valuable than Camilla, who resides beneath the
council hall,” he said.
I swallowed. “Why are you here now?”
“You sent the god king away. I wished to see if you had truly withdrawn back into yourself.”
“Why? Did he say something?” I heard the hitch in my voice.
Roccurem just glanced at me. Folding his hands in front of himself.
“Guilt like grief is such a heavy burden to carry.”
“What?”
“Samkiel, unlike Kaden, respects your wishes and listens to your words.
So, when you say you don’t need him and prefer he stays away, he listens.
Even if you did not mean to be so cruel.”
“Leave.”
“He is different from Kaden, yes? I think that bothers you the most. You are not used to anyone caring for you without wishing for something in return.”
I said nothing, only turned my head away.
“Samkiel has not left the main hall and is still there, I would presume.
He has been quietly sulking around the council hall with a side of tortured brooding.”
It was the first time I had heard Roccurem even attempt a joke, but I was in no mood. I laid back down, grabbing the covers and bunching them beneath my chin.
“It truly is marvelous what he has done here. The last time a god—”
“Yeah, yeah, I don’t care.” I raised my hand, cutting him off. “If you’ve come to gawk at the decor, just leave. I don’t want company.”
“No, it appears you crave that piece of your heart that is broken. Your sister.”
I shot up, grabbed the bedside lamp, and chucked it at him. It shattered against the wall where he’d stood.
“Why do you refuse his help?” he asked, appearing on the other side of the room. “I witnessed the days you two have spent together. I saw the spark flicker inside your chest, you burned, even if it was only for a moment.”
My brows furrowed, my lip curling. “Of course, fate is a nosy bitch.”
“I see all.”
“Creeper.”
“I felt that flicker of life return to both of you before you unregretfully snuffed it out in anger once more.”
“Why do you care so damned much?” I grimaced.
He didn’t answer. I wondered if what he saw could be worse than what I
was already going through.
“Again, why do you refuse his help?”
I took a deep breath, clenching the sheets in my hands. “Go away.”
Roccurem stared at me, his six eyes opening and turning a deep white.
“What have you buried so deeply that even I cannot see?”
If I still had my fangs, I would have bared them. “Get. Out,” I snarled at him.
He faded a second later, gone in a wave of mist and smoke. I sat waiting for him to reform and make another comment to rip my emotions to shreds, but the room fell quiet once more. I calmed my ragged breathing, and I lay back down. I curled up on my side and stared at the photo, my eyes burning.
I didn’t remember falling asleep, just waking to find the sun in a different place. Gabby’s face still smiled back at me. After Roccurem’s visit, I had expected to see Samkiel’s silver light as he returned from the council, but it had been hours. Maybe he finally listened to me, and he wasn’t coming back.
I forced myself to get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, and eat a slice of fruit before I sat down to tie my running shoes. A part of me hated to admit that even when we were fighting, Samkiel made existing easier just by being around. I felt cold, and the emptiness inside me was an unyielding ache that threatened to swallow me whole. I stood and walked out the door, telling myself I was just enjoying the day, not searching the sky.
“They need you. I don’t.”
That was the last thing I’d said to him. My traitorous heart twisted.
What a lie.
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