Fifty-One
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Dianna
“W hat are you doing here?”
“Hi to you too.” Neverra smiled. The long black pantsuit she
wore clung to her curves faithfully. The train of her jacket flared behind her as she stepped inside. It had gold accents across the shoulders, the pads beneath making her seem larger, and the buttons created intricate designs along each side. These had to be her council garbs.
“Where’s Logan?” I asked, looking behind her. “I doubt he would leave you alone after everything.”
She walked past me, heading toward the main room, her hands clasped in front of her. “I snuck out. Hopefully, he hasn’t realized I am gone. I needed to talk to you, and once I saw Samkiel’s light touch down at the council hall, I figured you would be alone.”
An understatement.
“Wow. You guys are fast.”
“Light travels quickly.”
“Cool. What do you want?” I folded my arms and squared my shoulders. “If you think that just because I saved you and Logan, we are going to be best friends, you’re wrong. I’m already regretting that mistake. I —”
“I like the place, although he’s made it into a castle.” She cut me off as she wandered around the room. She slid her hand along the arm of the couch where he had slept. “He made it as comfortable as he could, huh?
When Logan first met me, he used to do the sweetest things, too. Gods court just as the mortals do. It’s usually small things, gifts or flowers. They have this overwhelming urge to take care of those they fancy. Of course,
they are also overprotective and overbearing. Logan is no different. None of the celestials are. He tried everything when we first met, but I wouldn’t give him the time of day. He, like the rest of them, had a reputation back then.
Everyone called them The Untouchables. They would take lovers, but no one could get close to them. So I avoided Logan and his advances. That was until Samkiel decided he needed guards and held open competitions for The Hand. So many tried, and so many failed.”
I returned to the window seat, my body aching with fatigue. I wasn’t sure why Neverra was sharing all of this with me, but it was better than being alone with my thoughts.
“I made it through that round of competitions, and then so did Imogen. I gained so much I didn’t even know I needed. A family, a home, and then, of course, Logan.” She smiled, wiping her hands on her dark robe.
“Why are you telling me this?”
Her face twisted in pain. “Because I know you lost yours.”
“Leave.” The word was sharp and blunt. My lip lifted in a snarl, and my heart thudded in my chest, the uncomfortable pounding uncontrolled without him here to calm it. Anger and pain bubbled just beneath the surface, but no fire danced across my hands, and my fangs failed to appear.
No power remained in me. I stood, intending to leave the room, but she was suddenly in front of me. Had they always moved that damn fast?
“I’m sorry. Dianna, I am not trying to upset you. I swear.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
Neverra swallowed hard and looked down at her hands, picking at her freshly painted nails and fiddling with her rings. The fierce warrior seemed nervous and unsure. When she lifted her head to look at me again, the shine of unshed tears filled her eyes. “I’m trying to tell you that I tried to save her.
I did. Logan and I cared about Gabriella. We were meant to be just her guards, but she was so sweet and funny. She forced those silly, cute movies on us and told us stories of places you two have been. It was fun and reminded me so much of how life used to be before Rashearim fell. She loved you so much, which I know you know. I am just so sorry I couldn’t do more. I blame myself more than you know.”
My heart hurt so badly that it felt like it was knotting in on itself.
“Why?”
Her hands dropped to her sides, and she sighed. “It was my fault.
Samkiel told us to stay in that condo, but she got so bored. There were only
so many games to play or movies to watch, and she missed you, missed Rick. She just wanted to go out for a few minutes. She wanted a coffee. I invited Rick over, and then Drake showed up. A part of me didn’t trust him, but I thought it was fine. I didn’t see or feel them until it was too late. We were trained to think logically and secure the best course of action in dangerous situations. I could have fled and gotten the others, but I didn’t want her to be alone. I was supposed to protect her.”
I tried to swallow back the rising grief, my eyes burning and nose stinging as tears threatened me, too. Hearing how she tried to save my sister and how much she cared for her broke me.
“It’s not your fault.”
Neverra’s eyes went wide in surprise. I think she expected me to lash out or scream at her, but it seemed I was burning out in more ways than one.
“I was the one who brought her into this wretched world when she almost died the first time. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I damned us both.” I hadn’t admitted that to anyone.
“Dianna,” she said, shaking her head and reaching out to me.
I held my hand up. “If that’s all you needed to tell me, you can leave now.”
I didn’t mean to be so damn cold and mean, but I couldn’t contain the broken creature in me that sought only to protect the last pieces of my heart and soul.
She straightened her shoulders, glancing toward the open window. She wiped her sleeve across her face, removing the few tears that wet her cheeks. “I do need to get back before Logan comes looking for me, but I just wanted you to know, and I wanted to give you this.”
Her hand dipped into a pocket, and she pulled out a crumpled piece of folded paper. She held it out to me but didn’t step any closer.
I took a deep breath, and with a trembling hand, I reached for it. “What is this?”
“Gabby gave it to me in Yejedin. I think she wrote it a while ago and just kept it with her. She told me to give it to you. I never looked at it. Just hid it until I could get free and get back.”
My whole body shook.
“I am truly sorry, Dianna. For your loss, for everything.”
With a pop of blue light, she left the room. I stood there alone, staring at the worn note. My heart raced. Gabby had written it, kept it. The paper trembled violently as I opened it, the noise the only sound in the room except for the quick gasp of my breath. My vision blurred, obscuring her
familiar handwriting.
Dearest Sister,
Okay, I wanted it to be formal, but that sounds silly saying it out loud.
Anyway, I think we both know why I am writing this. It is way too late at night because I can’t sleep. To be honest, I haven’t slept much since you’ve been gone, kind of like the nights you used to sneak out when we shared a room in Eoria. I would cover for you, and you would always bring me back those small sweet cakes. I would always wait up for you. Only this time, you haven’t come back yet. It’s been months, and I miss you. I was so scared then that something would happen and you wouldn’t come back. It is the same now, but worse. I can’t explain it, but I have a feeling that I may never talk to you or see you again.
Listen, I know you’re strong and brave and everything, but if something happens, if you do read this note, and I am no longer here, I need you to be stronger. I need you to be brave and fierce, and above all else, I need you to let me go. I know you’ll be sad, and I’m crying while writing this, but Dianna, you are so powerful and smart. There isn’t anything you can’t do, and nothing can stop you. There never was.
You’re my sister, and I love you. I’ll always love you. A part of me wishes we could have had the life we always talked about. Just know that no matter what happens, you gave me the best life. You never stuck me with a horrible one. And hey, being here with Logan, Neverra, and the other celestials isn’t bad. I like them, and I think you would too if you gave them a chance.
For the first time since Eoria, I feel like I have a home and a family. I have fun, but I had the most fun with you, no matter what you think. You showed me the world, and I loved, oh gods, did I love. I want that for you, even though you feel you don’t deserve it. It is worth it, Dianna. Don’t refute what you need because you fear the pain it could bring. Never let fear rule you. Don’t let what Kaden did, rob you of something special.
Dianna, you are loved. You always have been and always will be. I see it even if you don’t, but more than that, you have so much love to give. I think that is where that fire comes from inside of you. You are passion and
anger, and above all, pure love. You protected me, loved me, and cared for me my entire life. Because of you, I never knew a day that I was not loved.
You have more stress and weight on your shoulders than anyone I know, and for my part in that, I’m sorry. Promise me one thing. If you happen to find love after I’m gone, you won’t let it go. Life is more than fighting and surviving. You’ve done enough of that. There is so much out there, and I want you to experience it all. I want you to laugh again, to love, to have fun. I want you to live, truly live. So if you read this, if I am truly gone, know that I would never leave you, even if you can’t see me. I would never abandon you.
Moisture hit the paper. One drop, then two, as if rain poured from the ceiling.
We can just pretend I am waiting for you to come home. One day, we will see each other again, no matter how long it takes. No matter where I go, I always know I will be okay because I had an amazing sister who loved me. You taught me how to take care of myself. You held my hand when I was scared to jump off cliffs, and you held my hand through everything else. You are not a monster. You never were, no matter what you think. You are my sister, my best friend, and my protector. So, if, by chance, this is the last time we speak, know that your job is done, and it’s time for you to take care
of yourself for once.
Remember that I love you.
Always – Gabby
P.S. Because I know you, be nicer to Liam.
I didn’t feel my knees hit the ground or my body crumple into itself. It wasn’t until I felt my forehead rest against the cold stone that I realized I was even on the floor. I clutched the note to my chest, my mouth open in a silent scream. Finally, everything I had been holding, everything I had kept inside, came pouring out. Tears burned my cheeks, and I sobbed, the sound filling the empty palace. Reading the note and seeing the words written on the paper drove home the truth harder than watching the dust of her remains float away on the wind.
She was gone, and no matter what I had done, who I had killed, she was
not coming back.
I was truly and completely alone.
The sobs ripped through me, my body feeling as if it were being torn from the inside out. In all the centuries of my existence, I had never felt
pain like this. I cried so hard that the noises I made didn’t even sound mortal anymore. I cried until there were no more tears, but still, my chest heaved. The room grew darker and the world colder. I didn’t know how long I knelt there holding myself, but I eventually struggled to my feet, still clutching the letter to my chest. My body ached as if I’d been in battle, but I shuffled my way to the kitchen to get the picture before tackling the stairs to return to the room where I’d awakened. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head, holding the note and the picture close, shutting out the world.
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