Fifty
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Dianna
“W e have to go. There are more coming!” Neverra yelled.
We began cutting a path through the Irvikuva that had
reached us. I had never seen a horde as large as this one. They swarmed, blanketing the sky and diving at us as we escaped the burning factory. We ran down steps and through hidden tunnels, trying to find our way back to the cavern where we had entered.
I stopped, my side, my shoulder, my whole being burning. Logan and Neverra flanked me, their weapons at the ready. I tried to catch my breath, but I was weak, and my body was failing. How could I kill Kaden and make him pay for what he’d done to her, to us, when I could barely even stand?
Hate and anger ran through my veins. Here I was, running down another tunnel, only this time away from him. Something inside me cracked. No. I
wouldn’t be her anymore. I wouldn’t.
“Where is the stone?”
Neverra and Logan looked at me, their skin glowing with celestial blue.
The Irvikuva were all around us. They loved the hunt and were closing in.
Logan slid a hand into his pocket. His eyes went wide, and his face turned grim. “Uhh.”
“Logan!” I practically screamed. “You lost it?”
“What stone?” Neverra asked.
“Dianna had Camilla make a stone to transport her out. She gave it to me, so I had a way to get you out, but I guess it fell during battle.”
Neverra turned slowly and looked at me, her head tipped to the side.
“You were going to save us?”
I rolled my eyes and pushed between them. “Let’s not make a big deal out of it. Without that stone, we’re stuck here with no way out. Not that it matters because we are also hopelessly lost!”
“There has to be another way,” Logan said, desperation filling his voice.
He looked around as if there might be a secret door somewhere that would lead us back to Onuna.
I placed my hand on my head and turned in a slow circle, afraid to stop moving.
Neverra grabbed Logan’s arm. “What about a portal?”
“I don’t think Samkiel can hear us from here, Nev.”
The cries of the Irvikuva grew louder. Neverra lowered her voice and nodded at me. “Not him, her.”
“Me?” I looked at her in disbelief. “In case you all got hit on your heads very hard back there and forgot, I can’t open portals to other realms.”
Logan’s face lit up as if he heard whatever Neverra didn’t say out loud.
Neverra stood shoulder to shoulder with Logan, hope glowing in her eyes. “No, but you have Kaden’s power, and he can make them.”
I tried to ignore the way she said those words so casually. It burned my gut to know I carried pieces of his power and how they sought to make me like him. Worse was the suspicion that maybe I had always carried the seed of the bloodthirsty monster, and all his power had done was awaken it.
“You can do this, okay?” Neverra’s hand on my shoulder pulled me from my dark thoughts. “You are equal parts him and yourself, and from what your sister said, you are stubborn and determined when you have your mind set on something. So set it to this, and we won’t need some magic stone. We just need you. We need you, Dianna, just like Gabby did. So there’s no dying today. Not for you, not for us.”
“Well, I failed her, so—”
“No! No, you didn’t, and you won’t fail us either.”
Her words soothed the part of me that so desperately needed absolution.
“Even if I have the power, I don’t know how.”
Logan rubbed at his chin. “Samkiel always told us when training with his father that you have to picture where you want to go in your mind.
Think of a door leading to a place you want to go. You open it not with your hands but with your power. Visualize it and want it more than anything.”
“That sounds stupid,” I scoffed. “I don’t even know where to take us.”
“Yes, you do.” Neverra met my gaze. “Think of the one place you would feel safe. Where we all would be safe.”
Logan nodded, and I got the impression they were having a secret
conversation. “Think of home.”
“And quickly, please,” Neverra added.
The lines beneath her eyes shone brighter, but her gaze had focused past me. I realized just how quiet the cavern had fallen and turned to look.
Several pairs of bright red eyes glared at us from the end of the tunnel, their mouths wide with large, gaping smiles. The Irvikuva screeched and clawed their way toward us.
“Run!” Logan commanded in the same voice I imagined he used on the battlefield.
We barreled down the corridor, every muscle I had screamed in protest as I pushed my body past its limits. Our feet barely touched the ground as we ran. Logan threw a ball of cobalt energy at the same time I launched a fireball. The tunnel shook as they collided, vaporizing the Irvikuva at the front of the horde and setting nearly a dozen more aflame. They screeched and fell, only to have the ones behind trample their corpses. It helped, but it wasn’t enough.
We rounded a corner and emerged into a large cavern. I skidded to a stop, Logan and Neverra flanking me. More red eyes emerged from the darkness. We stepped back, but the Irvikuva behind us rounded the corner.
They gathered in the opening but didn’t attack. We were trapped.
“Damn,” I breathed, actually looking at where we were. Now I know why the ones behind us had stopped. They didn’t need to move us anymore.
They had been herding us, and we were right where they wanted us.
A slow hum filled the cavern, the song one I had grown to hate. Heavy footsteps landed against the stone, and the Irvikuva parted.
“Bravo, Dianna. You made it to Yejedin. I am so proud of you.
Unfortunately, this is where your journey ends, pet.”
That voice. A chill went through me, goosebumps erupting over my skin. Kaden stepped from the shadows, and I saw red. Blood pounded in my ears, and the beast inside me roused, focusing on her prey.
I would rip him to pieces. I took a step forward, and Neverra and Logan moved with me. Reality snapped back into place.
“Oh.” His shoulders shook in mock fear. “They seem protective of you.
Even after all you’ve done? How precious.”
Neverra and Logan flicked their wrists, and armor crawled over their bodies. They were protecting me. My heart ached.
“That’s what families do,” Neverra said, a blade spinning into her hand.
“And you all are a poor excuse for it.”
Kaden sneered at her. “Oh, the whimpering bitch has a mouth now?”
Logan raised his blade and pointed it at Kaden. “And you’re about to lose yours for talking to her like that.”
Kaden’s laugh contained genuine amusement. “Please, put those away.
You are insulting me, thinking you could actually fight me and win.”
“Only one way to find out,” Logan said, gripping his weapon tighter.
“We were just leaving,” I said, stepping in front of Logan and Neverra, drawing Kaden’s full attention. Even if my strength was waning and parts of me ached and rebelled, I couldn’t let him take them.
“But you just made it home.”
“Well, you know what they say. Home is where the heart is, and you
kindly ripped mine out.”
“Such poetry. I miss that.”
I weighed my options: keep him talking and try to summon a portal or create a big enough distraction to get us all out. I settled on the latter. It would take every bit of strength I had left to do what I had planned. A part of me didn’t care if I burned up and died, but I wanted them to survive.
Flames erupted on my hands, illuminating the cavern. I hadn’t noticed the Irvikuva on the ceiling until then. We were so completely outnumbered.
“Let’s be reasonable here,” Kaden said, taking a step closer, his hands still in his pockets. “I can feel it. All you’ve used, all you’ve done incorrectly. Power, even as great as ours, has limits. You won’t last a second, Dianna.”
I shrugged. “Well, like Logan said. Let’s find out.”
I shot one hand out in front and the other behind me, trying to build a wall of flame on each side of us. I just needed to hold it long enough to figure a way out for them. The fire roared, filling the tunnel in both directions. Irvikuva screeched and burst into flames when it touched them.
Body parts fell, their remains charred and falling to ash as I unleashed all I had left. Logan grabbed Neverra and knelt beside me, covering her body with his own, but they remained untouched by flame. The wall of flame surrounded us, reaching higher and ripping apart the rock ceiling, crushing more of the beasts.
You will have a choice. One you must make. Choose out of selflessness, and the path is set. Choose vengeance, and well, the outcome will be
devastating.
Roccurem’s voice echoed in my head.
I glanced at Logan and Neverra. They remained still and focused on me, their hands clasped and waiting for orders. They were prepared to stay, to die, for me. The need to save them warred with the part of me that raged and clawed, begging for vengeance.
There was no way I could kill Kaden and save them. I had to make a choice: the revenge that I so desperately craved or the lives of two people
Gabby had loved.
They’re my friends.
Gabby’s words whispered across my subconscious. For Gabby, I would try. It is the choice she would want me to make. I hadn’t saved her, but I could save two people she loved.
I glanced back at Kaden, and something inside of me snapped.
A lock on a door in a house rattled, and I let it open a fraction.
“This is it, Dianna, your defining moment. I’m right here. A target for all that rage and hate you’ve been drowning in. I am what you have been hunting, so come and get me!” Kaden shouted over the noise of the flames and tumbling cavern. He was stalling, looking for an opening. I knew if he reached me, I’d never leave. I knew it with every fiber of my being. “You won’t get another chance. This is it.”
I dropped the wall of flames behind me and focused my remaining power, imagining where I wanted to go. Where was the safest place I knew?
Space ripped, and Kaden’s eyes widened, the whites showing as he realized what I was doing. I tore a portal in the fabric of Yejedin, and a wound inside me I thought I had closed split wide open.
“I guess I’ll never know then.”
I turned toward the light that spilled from the portal and pushed Logan and Neverra through. Kaden roared, and I felt the air move as he rushed toward me. I fell.
It was mere moments, seconds, if any. I didn’t land on a hard surface or a road or another world. Instead, Samkiel caught me, cradling me against his powerful chest. His familiar scent filled my lungs, and something in me
that had wound too tight eased.
I had fallen, and Samkiel caught me.
I’d wanted to take us somewhere safe, and the portal had led me straight to him. Truly, though, where else did I have to go?
I glanced up through the portal and saw the cavern full of blood-red eyes glaring back at me. Kaden’s expression, horrible and filled with wrath, was the last thing I saw before it closed.
I wept. I had failed her.
Again.
I made a choice that wasn’t Gabby.
Again.
And I hated myself for it.
M y eyes opened to a light – filled room . I sat up slowly and looked around, running my hands through my hair, gathering it away from my face.
The room was enormous and familiar, although I was sure I had never been here before.
My eyes went wide, recollection washing over me. It was the room from Samkiel’s dream, only clean and whole. There used to be holes in the walls and ceiling from where he’d reacted violently, fighting his nightmares. A column marked each corner. Intricately designed, they soared, twisting and curving, before spreading like vines just short of the ceiling. It was larger in reality than in his dreams—an enormous room fit not just for a king but a god.
The area hollowed out for the closet disappeared behind a wall, seemingly curving away from the room. Two large dressers flanked a carved doorway tall enough for Samkiel to walk through without having to duck. Groupings of overstuffed chairs took up one side of the room, and soft fur throws draped over the backs. My heart had been pounding since I woke, my body already aware of what had taken my mind some time to understand. I was not on Onuna anymore. I was on Rashearim.
My head throbbed, and I cradled it in my hands, memories colliding. I fell through a portal, and he caught me. Had I been so far gone again that he’d fed me? Was I in another blooddream?
I threw the covers back, having to almost crawl to the edge of the bed to get off it. It could easily fit eight people, and from the feel of it, it was brand new. A sheer white nightdress swirled around my bare feet, the woven lace and crisscross design across the bodice definitely the fashion of Rashearim.
I was clean. The blood and gore of Yejedin washed away. I wondered if he had bathed me and felt a blush scald my cheeks.
As I strode out of the room, the floor was cool beneath my bare feet. A hall opened before me, and I moved toward the staircase leading to a lower level. There were no noises or whispers as there had been in his other dreams, but I couldn’t shake the fact that I wasn’t alone. I turned around, expecting to see someone behind me from the chill that went up my spine, but there was nothing. Deciding it must just be a result of waking up in a strange place, I turned and started down the steps. I trailed my hand along the dark gray wall to steady myself. I picked up the edge of my dress and stopped on the bottom step.
“Fuck.” The word escaped me on a low breath.
I was so wrong. I wasn’t in a house. It was a godsdamned castle. The ceiling soared so high that I had to lean back to see it. Chandeliers hung a few feet away from each other, glimmering in the sunshine that spilled from the open window.
If this was a blooddream, what was I supposed to see?
The air shifted behind me, a tendril of my hair caressing my cheek. I spun and met a wall of muscle, my nose an inch from the realm’s best chest.
My gaze traveled up the strong column of his neck, caressing the hard line of his jaw, before staring into the clear beauty of Samkiel’s eyes. He looked exactly how he did on Onuna, not Rashearim. He wore no armor, no long wavy hair, or shrouds of guards around him.
“Why is this still happening?” My heart thudded in my chest, and dread filled me, forcing me to step back. “I don’t want to dream of you anymore. I can’t,” I said, my voice shaking.
His head cocked slightly to the side as he stepped forward. “You dream of me?”
I winced a sharp pain radiating through the center of my head. I grabbed it and stumbled. A solid, warm hand grasped my elbow, holding me up. I felt his touch. Heat radiated from his palm, and I knew I wasn’t dreaming.
“Dianna?”
I tried to focus on him, but his form kept shimmering.
“You’re blurry.”
My head lulled back, and I teetered right on the edge of consciousness. I braced for the pain of falling, but my body never hit the floor. Strong arms wrapped around me as the now familiar darkness slowly claimed me again.
I would be lying if I said it wasn’t pleasant for the brief moment I remembered it. Samkiel’s embrace was so warm, so comforting. I had been cold, lonely, and lost for so long. The last thought I had before unconsciousness claimed me was how at peace I felt, and that truly terrified me.
Y ou won ’ t get another chance …
Pain sliced through the side of my head.
… fell in love with him while Kaden took your sister…
I groaned and rolled over, covering my head with a large pillow.
… remember that I love you…
My head pounded.
… seek revenge for the sister that’s not even of your blood…
Voices whispered, begged, and screamed in my mind.
You are running out of time.
I swore, tossing and turning. If I could just make it stop. I heard heavy footsteps, and then the bed sank next to me. A sharp pain pierced my brain again, and I whimpered. A large, warm hand settled on my forehead. I stilled, the dull ache melting away, leaving a soothing calm over my whole body. I sighed, feeling as if I might survive this, and fell back asleep.
A hot beam of sunshine across my face pulled me from sleep . I stretched and sat up, my eyes half closed. My eyes shot open as I
remembered where I was. This wasn’t a dream. I leaned forward, rubbing my hands over my face. At least the voices were gone, and my head didn’t hurt. What was happening to me? I lay back down on my side, the silk sheets wrapping around me.
My eyes focused, and an ache formed in my chest, the room spinning around me. There, in an intricate silver frame, was a picture of Gabby and me at the beach.
My breath faltered. I had promised her we would visit this beach again after we’d found the book. It was the only picture Kaden had allowed me to keep in Novas. I grabbed it and brought it closer, my finger tracing her smiling face. I felt my eyes prickle, but my lips tightened in anger.
I needed answers, and staying in a bed on a world not my own would not get me them. With the picture frame in my hand, I rolled out of bed. A breeze entered the room through the large window, sunlight dancing across the floor. I strode toward the door, my bare feet making almost no sound.
Voices from below caught my attention, and I stomped down the flight of stairs, the long nightdress dancing behind me in my fury.
The voices grew. I recognized Samkiel’s, and the feminine one belonged to Imogen.
Without my permission, a memory clawed its way to the surface of my mind. Pain tore at me, ripping at my heart and mind. I stopped short, grabbing my head with another wince. The night I’d gone to Kaden only to find him with another. That had been the first night, but there had been another and another after that. He had taught me that love was not meant for creatures like us.
I forced anger to replace my pain and squared my shoulders, gripping the picture frame against me a fraction harder. I marched down the steps, not caring if they heard me coming. If this wasn’t a dream, I wanted out of this place and off this world. My head swam, but I ignored it and stayed upright, striding across the open foyer.
This wasn’t just a home but a damned palace. It was so massive you could fit a thousand people or more in here, and they would still have room to move about, unbothered by each other. The walls were no longer crumbling, and they glowed with a warmth missing in the desolate space he had lived in before.
Light poured in through a massive window to my right, casting a golden glow over the assortment of chairs and the large lounge sofa in the middle
of the room. A fireplace took up nearly one wall, and thriving potted plants added spots of color and freshness.
I stormed past the living area, my ire only growing at the beauty of this place. Their animated conversation slowly died when I entered the kitchen.
It was an odd meld of Onuna and Rashearim styles that somehow worked.
Imogen was removing various fruits and goods from a bag while Samkiel rested across the island, a soft smile on his face as she said something I didn’t care to hear. How easy would it be to go back to that? What they had was what he needed, what he deserved, not me, pain, or darkness.
His eyes met mine, and he slowly stood up, worry creasing his brow.
“You’re awake. How are you feeling? Does your head still hurt?”
“What is this? Where did you get it?” I waved the picture frame in the air, ignoring his question.
Imogen stopped placing fruit. She stilled, her body tensing, probably remembering what had happened the last time we’d met. Would she protect him as viciously as I had? Jealousy sliced through me, and I growled at the unwelcome reaction.
He lifted one finely formed brow and sipped whatever he was drinking before saying, “Novas.”
Imogen’s eyes shifted between us, and she took a step back.
“You went to Novas?”
“Yes. I searched for you everywhere.”
I lowered the frame before realizing what I was doing.
Everywhere.
The words rattled through my subconscious. He went back to that damned island looking for me. “You have to be kidding me. Is this supposed to make me feel something? Because it doesn’t,” I snapped.
“I merely wished for you to be comfortable and a picture—”
“A picture of my dead sister will not bring me comfort.”
He turned toward Imogen, who resembled more of a scared fawn in headlights than the warrior celestial I knew she was.
“Imogen, thank you for the food. I will be at the hall shortly. Please inform the others to be ready.”
She nodded and bowed, a smile making her beautiful face radiant. My lip curled. She was gone in a flash of blue light, leaving me alone again with Samkiel.
“Sorry to interrupt you and your girlfriend. Or should I say your wife?
Betrothed? I can’t keep up with all the lies.”
A line in Samkiel’s jaw ticked. “She is my advisor because you killed my last one.”
“Sure, is that what they call it on Rashearim?”
Samkiel lifted his cup to hide his smile, but I saw it. “As I have said, Imogen is not my girlfriend, betrothed, or wife. You would know more about the failed betrothal if you spoke to me instead of my enemies.”
“I don’t care.” I slammed the picture on the countertop.
“You’re in a ripe mood. You must be feeling better,” Samkiel said. He placed his cup down and leaned forward, placing the remaining fruit in a basket.
“You know what I’m feeling?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Enlighten me,” he said, seemingly unconcerned with my ire, which just annoyed me more.
“Like I want to leave. Take me back,” I demanded.
“No.”
I sighed, throwing my hands up. “Gods, that’s still your favorite word!”
I stormed out of the kitchen and down a hall, thinking I’d find an exit, but I ended up in another large room. This one contained a large desk piled with scrolls. Paintings decorated the walls, and books neatly lined the shelves. I slammed the door and turned back, stomping through this cursed palace, determined to find a way out. I opened door after door, finding nothing but storage closets and spare rooms. One door opened onto an outside patio, but a high wall contained it.
A growl of frustration echoed from my throat, and I strode back toward the kitchen. Impatiently, I pushed a loose curl off my cheek and glared at Samkiel. He leaned against the long island, biting into a fruit with a stark
green interior.
“Are you done?” he asked.
“Let me out of this godsdamned place,” I snapped, lunging forward and slamming my hands down on the counter.
“No.” He watched me and took another bite, his posture relaxed.
My eyes flicked to the doorway near the large fridge. A shadowed hall lay beyond. That was why I couldn’t find an exit. It was behind him. My
gaze met his as he stopped mid-chew.
“Don’t.”
I ran.
I heard the fruit hit the counter and his heavy steps behind me a second after I raced out of the kitchen. A flash of light lit up the dark hallway, and he was in front of me. His arm shot out, trying to stop my escape. I ducked under it and made it another inch before powerful arms grabbed me from behind and swung me around. He pressed me against the wall and leaned his body in close, his large hands gripping my wrists and pinning them on either side of my head. His breath washed over my cheek, his scent surrounding me.
I blew a strand of hair from my face and snarled up at him. “I will rip your throat out with my teeth if you don’t let me go.”
“I was right the first time I saw you. All teeth, claws, and fury.
Definitely a riztoure beast.” He leaned closer. “Pure hellcat.”
I cursed him in Eorian.
Amusement filled his gaze, and he moved closer, his body fitting against mine as if we were made for each other. He tipped his head, exposing his throat, the corded muscle and bronzed skin a temptation. My mouth watered with a hunger I hadn’t felt in a while.
“Go ahead. Try.”
“What?” I asked, licking my lips.
“Come on. Do it. Don’t tease me by saying things you don’t mean.” He took a sidelong glance toward me. “That’s not you, Dianna.”
I struck as quickly as any viper, my mouth clamping on the strong column of his neck. Teeth met skin, but my fangs did not descend. I swirled my tongue against his throat and sucked, feeling his pulse quicken. I arched against him, the throbbing heat between my thighs demanding more of him.
My headache evaporated, and another ache took its place—a hunger I refused to feed. My mouth left his throat as I pulled back, licking my lips.
“Can’t do it, can you?” The same words he had said when we fought.
Bastard. His voice was husky as if he also struggled with this burning need between us.
“Shut up,” I snapped, ignoring that the words came out breathlessly.
“What did you do to me?”
Samkiel let me go and took a measured step back, anger replacing lust.
“It’s quite insulting that you automatically assume I would ever do anything to hurt you. Especially something so heinous as stripping your powers.”
My throat and other parts of me went dry. “My powers are gone?”
“Possibly. In mortal terms, you burned yourself out.”
My hand fell to my chest. “Is that possible?”
“This is the first time I have seen it happen. I am still researching.”
My mind flashed to the books piled on the desk a few halls away. Had he been researching a way to heal me? To help me?
I turned inward, reaching deep, searching. Samkiel was right. I felt no spark. The warmth I normally felt when I called upon the fire was absent. I stared at him, the soft shine of moisture from my mouth still visible on his neck, along with a small discoloration where I’d bitten too hard. A jolt of pleasure coursed through me as if a part of me liked seeing my mark on him. I quickly extinguished that thought too.
“I want Roccurem.”
That was the wrong thing to say.
His powerful shoulders squared, and his expression turned grim. “No.”
“You can’t keep him from me.”
“He is not yours to keep. He is not a pet for you to order about. If you need help or have questions, I will help you,” Samkiel hissed at me.
“I don’t want you,” I spat.
Samkiel recoiled, pain flashing in his beautiful eyes, darkening them.
“Regardless, you cannot have him. He is no longer available to fulfill your needs,” he said.
I may not have had teeth or claws as before, but I still had venom. I scoffed, folding my arms. “Is that what burns you? You think Reggie has been taking care of all my little naughty bits?”
That was also not the best thing to say.
The sky darkened, and the wind howled, giving voice to the rage he refused to release. I felt his energy brush against me, and a part of me reveled in it. The feel of his power wrapping around me did not incite fear but set my blood alight with need. He was a god made of storms and war, and he was magnificent. And I hated it.
“You know, at first, I assumed you stole Roccurem for your own pleasure. You’d never touch Camilla after what she did, so logic dictated it was him. I’ll admit that I was jealous. I am man enough to tell you how much that burned a hole in my gut to see you so casually replace me, but then I learned it wasn’t for that. No. You just couldn’t stand being alone with your thoughts. I get that. I am the same way. But I have learned,
Dianna, that no one can pull you out of this until you are ready. Until then, we are nothing but crutches, and that is not what you need to heal.”
“I’m not asking for anyone’s help. Let alone yours,” I spat.
“Oh, trust me, I am very well aware,” he snapped. He didn’t back down.
He never did. If anything, he liked every bit of fire I had and relished that he could make me burn brighter.
“My sister died, Samkiel. Don’t think that anything I did had to do with you.”
“This isn’t about her. I stood with you the entire time, Dianna. You knew that.”
I pushed from the wall. “You were only going to hold me back.”
“Yes, from yourself.” He shook his head at me, his arms wide and his expression unforgiving. “What has this gotten you? The revenge, the death, what has it done? It hasn’t brought her back. We both know that nothing will.”
My hand whipped out to slap him, but he caught my wrist. “I hate you.”
He stepped closer and leaned in until his nose was an inch from mine.
“I. Don’t. Care.”
“Let go of me.” The words came out a whisper, and I wasn’t sure if they were a command or a plea. I didn’t know if I wanted to kill or kiss him, and I hated wanting the latter for even a second. My heart pounded too fast and hard before settling into a slower rhythm, syncing with his.
His thumb slid over my wrist before he gently released me. “I would have followed you anywhere, Dianna. All you had to do was ask. Instead, you used me. You used every single bit of knowledge you had on me to hurt me, my family, and my friends. You threw things I confided to you back at me without a moment’s thought. I have been stabbed, tortured, and nearly decapitated. All in service to my home and kingdom. But nothing has hurt me as you have. Nothing.”
I lowered my gaze, unable to face his pain. “If you want an apology from me, you won’t get it.”
“I don’t. I can take your anger and hate. All I want for you is healing. I know the path you are on, and as difficult as it is, the only way out is through. And if I have to be the one who shows you that, then so be it because I will not sit by while you tear yourself apart.”
His words ricocheted in my chest, leaving me breathless and tearing at my already wounded heart. My eyes burned, a dam threatening to break,
releasing emotions I’d done my damndest to bury. I hated him. How dare he make me feel by just being in his presence? I hated that the words he said were like a battering ram against the wall I’d so painstakingly built over these last few months. I hated that I cared so godsdamned much. So I did what I always did and reacted like a venomous snake, all fangs and lethal bite.
“So what? Are you going to keep me here for a thousand years so I can wallow in guilt and weep over my dead relatives like you?”
A storm didn’t gather, and the world didn’t shake as I spat those words at him. He didn’t take the bait, only met my eyes stare for stare. We were an immovable object and an unstoppable force. We didn’t fear the other but threatened to batter ourselves bloody.
His head only tilted to the side. “Have you even mourned yet? Have you
cried?”
“What?” I hissed.
“I don’t believe you have. You’ve been so preoccupied and busy trying to fill that void inside of you with blood, death, and mortals less deserving of you. You’ve been doing anything you can to keep moving because you know the second you stop, you’ll feel all of it. So you lash out and attack because anger is better than grief. It’s better than reliving every memory, good and bad, every laugh and smile, everything you said or could have said. It’s better than knowing that no amount of flesh or blood you take in vengeance will erase the fact that you have truly lost her forever.”
My hand whipped out again, only this time it connected. I slapped him hard enough to make my palm and wrist sting. I knew he’d sensed it and
could have stopped it, yet he hadn’t.
“I hate you.”
“That’s good.” He lifted my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm. “At least you feel something. What else? Tell me more.”
“Fuck you.” I yanked my hand from his grip.
Samkiel took a step closer, taking up every inch of my personal space.
My back hit the wall again, and I tipped my head to look up at him. The all- powerful god king stared down at me, every soft edge gone under that blistering stare, and I’d be a damned fool to say how much of a thrill it sent through me. He braced his forearms against the wall on either side of me, his body hot, massive, and overwhelming. I wasn’t afraid of him. I never was. Fear was not something either of us felt toward the other.
“Do you need me to? Does it help? I assumed you had your fill on Onuna.” A ring of silver lined his irises, and I didn’t want to remember or think about what that meant. “But given how furiously you kissed me last time, I would wager you didn’t find release with the mortals you allowed to touch you. So my guess is that you are still deprived, my Dianna.”
His eyes skittered across my face and lower, my body going hot. I hadn’t heard that endearment in so long, I damn near purred. He fit the hard planes of his body against me, and my belly clenched. Something else replaced my anger, something far more intense and dangerous for both of us.
Overwhelming guilt slammed into me, and I pushed at him. He stepped back, allowing me room to breathe, but not by much. “What, are you judging me now on how I decide to heal?”
“Judge? Not at all. The things I have done to keep myself from feeling far outnumber yours and forever will. Trust me. You’d have to live a millennium to catch up to me.” He scoffed. “You’re right that I don’t get to dictate how you heal, but gods, Dianna, you could’ve used me. I would have let you, and you know it. Anything you desired, whenever you wanted, any way you wished. All you have to do is ask.”
My body trembled with the effort to keep from throwing myself at him and accepting all he offered. I ached to let him take me right here against this godsdamned wall. I knew he meant what he said. He’d given me several demonstrations of how well he could distract me, but it wouldn’t help heal what was broken and wrong and angry inside of me. I was afraid nothing could.
“That’s great.” My voice didn’t sound nearly as stern as I wanted it to.
“I’ll pass. Can you move now?”
A small smile spread across his face as he caught my eyes lingering on his lips, and I hated him even more. He leaned forward, and I held my breath, assuming he was about to test my conviction and prove me a liar. I would be lying if I said my mouth didn’t open slightly in anticipation. He was a hair’s breadth away before he pushed off the wall and headed toward the foyer. I took a deep breath, taking the time to regain what little composure I had left and convince myself I was not disappointed. Pushing from the wall, I followed after him.
Samkiel gathered some papers from the table in the middle of the room and picked up a jacket he’d thrown over the back of a chair. “I’ll be back in
a few days.”
“A few days?” My voice emerged shrill, and I nearly winced.
“Yes. I have a lot to catch up on with the council. You have been in and out of consciousness for a week.”
A week? My mind scrambled, trying to process everything but getting stuck on just one piece of information. Three days? Here? Alone? My fingers bit into my palms. No, I couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave me alone like that with only my thoughts. I’d drown.
“You can’t leave me here that long.”
He slipped his arms through the smooth jacket sleeves, the heavy muscles of his biceps straining the fabric. My gaze lingered a fraction too long, and I struggled to pull my attention away.
“Yes, I can, and you won’t be alone. The Hand will check on you. You have food, clothes, and everything you need here. I made sure of it.”
That was when the pieces clicked, and my breath hitched. Samkiel hadn’t remade this massive palace for himself. He’d made it for me. A warm feeling I thought I’d buried with Gabby stirred.
And a lock on a door in a house rattled.
“… you merely speak my true name if you have the slightest headache, and I’ll return sooner than I intend.”
I shook my head, not realizing he had been talking this entire time.
“Samkiel, I’m not your pet.” I squared my shoulders. “I won’t remain locked up, nor will I stay.”
He fixed his collar before dropping his hands to his sides. “Yes, you will. There are about a hundred or more acres of forest surrounding this place. It would take you weeks to walk to the city, and that is if some creature did not make a meal of you first.”
“So I am a prisoner, then?” I folded my arms. “Are you going to bring out handcuffs next?”
“Is that something you would like?” he asked.
I felt my cheeks blaze hot and instantly regretted bringing it up and changed the subject. “How long do I have to stay here?”
“You’re a criminal, both on Onuna and here on Rashearim. So it’s either this, or you rot in a prison cell beneath the council hall.”
“What?”
His brows furrowed. “What did you think would happen after you rampaged across Onuna and damn near destroyed the world?
Consequences, Dianna, your actions have consequences.”
I wrapped my arms around myself so tight I could have broken a rib.
Samkiel tucked a stack of papers and a book beneath his arm and stepped closer.
“Can you answer one thing for me? Honestly?”
I rolled my eyes. “We’re playing this game again?”
Samkiel didn’t say anything. He just stood there, watching me and waiting.
“Fine. What?” I grumbled. I knew I sounded petulant, and I didn’t care.
He was leaving me.
“You weren’t planning to come back to me at all, were you?”
I heard the pain in his voice, and a part of me ached, but I knew it had been the only choice. He deserved so much better.
“No.”
He nodded and turned away.
“You would have been happy,” I said to his retreating back. “If you would have just let me go and kept your warriors out of my way. This would have been over, and you could have made this damned castle for your rightful queen.”
Samkiel glanced at me over his shoulder, a small glow of silver dancing behind his storm-filled eyes. “You’re a fool if you think I would be happy in a world where you did not exist.”
I’d expected anger. I always did when I lashed out, but not this. No, this was so much worse. It extinguished every bit of flame and rage that sustained me. I turned my head away from him.
“This is the safest place for you right now. No matter how much you despise me, I will not have you rotting in a cell. I couldn’t bear it. So I will give you your space while I try to figure everything else out.”
I didn’t look back as his footsteps faded away. A pop of bright light raced past the window, and I was completely alone once more. I reached up, rubbing my hands over my face, contemplating everything that had happened in the last few days, months, and hours.
Dropping my hands, I looked around the massive room. The dark green and gold-trimmed walls, the sparkling chandeliers, and the plush, comfortable furniture were beyond beautiful. My eyes caught on the blanket draped over the end of the long lounge couch. A glass sat on the side table, and a stack of books rested on the floor within easy reach. Samkiel had
been sleeping down here. I looked up, remembering the layout of the second level. This spot was right below the bed I’d slept in. If I had made even the slightest sound, he would have heard. My chest tightened, some flicker of emotion trying to claw its way through my shields.
I moved away from the couch, unable to process what that all meant. I sat on the window seat, piled with large overstuffed pillows, staring out at the beautiful day. The distant mountains taunted me, rolling pink clouds obscuring their peaks. If I had to be in a prison, at least this was a pretty one.
My hand rested under my chin as I sighed, contemplating what I should even do here. The sun bathed the forest, but I saw no birds flitting through the trees or small creatures scurrying about.
Why couldn’t he just give up on me like everyone else? Damn him, and damn me for even caring. I heard the telltale pop of someone portalling in behind me and stood, turning toward the approaching footsteps.
“Forget something? Or maybe you want to start another pointless argument…”
My words died as Neverra appeared in the entryway.
Alone.
“Hi.”
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