Fifty-Six
OceanofPDF.com
Dianna
I t wasn’t until I was in the air that I realized how far away I was from the
palace. It would have taken me another day and a half to return had I
kept going.
Xavier set me down on the stone bridge.
“Okay, thanks for the ride, but you both can leave now.”
Cameron and Xavier shook their heads. Cameron had not stopped talking since they’d found me, and Xavier seemed to love every second of it.
“For the last time, no.” Cameron smiled at me before running a hand over his short, blonde hair and turning toward Xavier. “Ugh, you think he will fire me? He’s going to fire me. Look at her. Gods, what if he is waiting for us at the palace right now, and we show up with her looking like this?”
He licked the pad of his thumb and aimed for the thick layer of dirt on my
face.
“Hey!” I snapped, swatting at his hand.
Xavier chuckled as I glared at Cameron.
“Calm down, Cameron. Samkiel won’t fire us,” Xavier said through his chuckle. He placed his hands in his pocket and leaned toward me, a mischievous grin spread across his face. “Besides, I don’t think Dianna will say anything about her little adventure, will you? Especially after we helped you.”
My eyes narrowed on Xavier. “Is this blackmail?”
That caused both of them to burst into laughter, the sound so infectious that the corners of my lips twitched.
“Oh, gods, wait!” Cameron barked, completely ignoring my question as he pointed at Xavier. “What if he separates us and makes me file charts upstairs with Elianna? I’ll die of boredom.”
Xavier laughed as they walked past me, heading toward the castle.
I realized I had no hope of getting rid of them, so instead, I followed them, staring at their wide backs. Their gold-accented robes swayed in the wind as they headed inside, still bantering and laughing at each other’s jokes.
I turned the shower off and wrapped a large towel around myself before stepping out. This room, the whole place, was too big, too nice. I knew Samkiel had made it that way for me, trying to provide some comfort and normalcy. Even after everything, he was too nice, and I hated it because I didn’t deserve it.
My feet slapped against the stone floor, water gathering and disappearing as I walked. The floor absorbed every drop of water that fell from me, shimmering colors pooling in the shape of my footprints. I stopped at the long sink and wiped the mirror clean with a quick swipe. At my touch, a light flickered on, illuminating the mirror and nearly blinding me. I lowered my gaze for a second, giving my eyes time to adjust before looking at my reflection. My hair clung to me, the ends reaching well past my elbows. I stared at myself and barely recognized the woman staring back.
My skin felt taut, my eyes dry, and my entire being heavy without my powers. At least, that's what I told myself. But the truth was, every ounce of weight I had carried these last few months had finally settled and wanted to pull me under. On the nights Samkiel wasn't here and sleep wouldn't find me, I sometimes let it. I would stare at her picture and cry.
Leaning forward, I pulled back my lips in a grimace. No fangs, no sharp edges. I ran my tongue over the edge of my teeth, but I didn’t feel a hint of them, nor the sharp sting of hunger that had haunted me the last few months. I stared at myself, and it felt as if something stared back. A beast
behind chains and locks that wanted to be free. A lump grew in my throat, a burning ache in my chest. Before the darkness could consume me again, I left the bathroom and returned to my room. I slipped into another lounge set and curled up on the bed. I picked at my nails, the chipped polish almost all gone.
“What are you wearing?” Cameron practically yelled from the doorway.
My head snapped toward him, his booming voice pulling me from my thoughts. He stood in the doorway, no longer dressed in the council garbs.
“What are you wearing?” I echoed, lifting a brow.
He strode in like he owned the place, adjusting the long necklaces that lay across his chest. Xavier entered behind him, and I gulped. They looked like they were about to attend one of Omel’s runway shows. Their shirts and pants fit faithfully to every muscle, showing off the masculine beauty of their bodies. Cameron caught me looking and grinned rakishly.
“Sexy, right?”
Cameron tugged at his dark shirt, the front dipping so low it practically touched his belly button. His leather pants rode low on his hips, molding to his thighs and ass. Xavier wore a black silk shirt that shimmered and clung to him every time he moved, revealing the heavy muscles of his chest.
Buttons ran the length of his legs, breaking up the unrelieved darkness of his outfit.
These two men were beyond sexy. That was not in doubt. They were an invitation to any that dared to look, but nothing in me stirred or hungered for them.
“Get up,” Cameron said, his eyes shining devilishly. “We’re going out.”
I shook my head. “Out? We are?”
“Yes, and you cannot wear that.” Cameron gave me a quick once over.
I snorted. “Samkiel said—”
“Funny story, Samkiel isn’t here.” Cameron clapped his hands impatiently. “Come on, dark queen, we don’t have all night.”
Xavier leaned against the wall, watching us with amused patience. “It will be fun, and we promise to have you back before he even notices.”
“Promise.” Cameron gave me a smile that I knew had been the downfall of women throughout time.
The two of them like this reminded me of the first time I’d met them— pure mischief. I didn’t argue further. Jumping up, I ran to the closet.
W e walked beneath the blinking neon sign and past the crowd growing outside. I never realized how lackluster Onuna was compared to the remains of Rashearim. Samkiel was right. It didn’t compare. Even the air here felt more oppressive and humid. I already missed—
“Samkiel opened up the world after he brought you to Rashearim, and the mortals went mad. We have never seen this many out all night,”
Cameron whispered.
I shook my head, folding my arms tighter across myself, and thanked the old dead gods for Cameron speaking and shaking me from my thoughts.
I’d assumed they would take me to a fancy celestial club and was shocked to learn they wanted to go to Onuna. Truthfully, I would have begged to get out of the house and do something fun. I would welcome anything to distract me.
The heels I’d worn kept catching on the uneven stone walkway, and my feet were already hurting. Was this what mortal life had to offer? If so, I would pass. I slid my hand over the front of my dress. Finding something in the massive closet that would pass as a club outfit had been a challenge. We had done some creative mix and matching. I admit, it was fun having Xavier and Cameron throw random dresses and shoes toward me in their efforts to help. We finally settled on a thin white wrap dress. It was short enough, and Xavier messed with the front to reveal the lace bra I wore beneath.
I walked toward the double doors, flanked by the two of them. This was unbelievable. I couldn’t believe I was going into a bar with two of The Hand for a fun night out. I forced myself not to think about how much
Gabby would have loved this.
You’re running out of time.
I rubbed my ear as if I could scratch the words out. That damn voice filtered through my subconscious, haunting every corner of that damned house, and echoed in my every dream. It sounded like another constant reminder of how I’d failed her, and I just wanted to forget tonight. I shook it off, lowering my hand and burying that voice deep.
Cameron must have picked up on the sudden change in my mood. He leaned toward me and whispered, “I don’t remember Ig’Morruthens looking this nice.” He grinned. “You are usually all horns and fire and sharp teeth.”
The corners of my mouth lifted in an attempt at a smile. “I probably could still light you on fire. I just may need matches now.”
“Sounds fun,” he said with a wink, not missing a beat.
“You look pretty, Dianna,” Xavier said, glancing at Cameron over my head.
I don’t know why my chest chose that moment to ache, but it did. Like a servant overly eager to please, my mind delivered the memories of the two men I had loved like brothers. Pain flashed like ice in my veins as I remembered their betrayal, yet I could still see Drake’s smile when I told a stupid joke and how Ethan had tried not to laugh. They had been a refuge, a place to go where I would be safe and accepted without judgment. Family was what I thought I had, but family was all I had lost. Cameron and Xavier were not Ethan and Drake, but my heart bled for the connection I no longer had. They had said they loved me, and beyond my stupid hate, a part of me still missed them. Anger shut down the swarm of emotions that threatened
to overwhelm me.
I hated the word love.
“Let’s just get inside,” I said, shaking my head and stomping ahead, leaving them and the ghosts behind. “I want to drink enough to black out tonight.”
I held X avier ’ s gaze , my expression serious . “O n the count of three. One. Two. Three!”
Xavier licked the salt off the back of his hand as I did mine. Our arms crossed between us, linking with a shot in hand. We tipped our heads back and downed the clear liquid in one gulp. This one didn’t burn like the others. I had done four already, and for once, I wasn’t feeling immense guilt or regret. No, I felt like I was floating, which was a pleasant alternative.
We slammed the empty glasses down, and the people around us cheered. They laughed and hollered, a pleasant reprieve from the sadness that had become my constant companion.
“No one has ever done three of the devil’s tango and not thrown up.” A woman giggled, her group of friends nodding. It seemed we’d come on some university party night, and students crowded the club.
Cameron waved his hands through the air. “Okay, tabs on me. Less talking, more drinking. Let’s go!” The crowd went wild again, and this time, even Xavier joined in. The bartender slid a bottle toward us, and then he and another hurried away to help the growing crowd. Cameron placed three clean shot glasses in front of us.
“This isn’t really laying low, you know?” I couldn't stop the giggle that floated out next. Maybe I have had too much. “I am a wanted criminal.”
Xavier filled his glass and then mine before grabbing the salt. “I won’t tell if you won’t”
I snickered while taking another shot with him.
Cameron wrapped his arms around us both, pulling us close. “Oh, this is exactly how you lay low. An over-rambunctious crowd, all drinking and dancing and hiding away to fuck. Everyone here is too focused on having a good time even to notice you.”
I hadn’t thought about it like that. “Smart and downright wicked. I like it.”
Cameron winked at me. “Do you have one more in you?”
My head swam as I tried to focus on my glass. “I said I wanted to blackout. The room isn't even spinning yet. Do your worst.”
“I like you.” He grinned, licked his hand, and sprinkled salt on it before passing it to me.
“Zekiel said you would, but that was before I helped get him killed.”
Cameron stared at me, and I felt Xavier go still. I didn’t wait for him, licking the salt from my hand and throwing back the shot.
“Are you ever going to stop feeling sorry for yourself?” Cameron asked.
“What?” The liquor stilled in my gut.
Xavier snickered and stood, towering over me. “You can’t shock us with things we already know. Samkiel told us everything. We know how Zekiel really died. You can’t push us away like you do everyone else.”
I turned and glared at him.
“We get it.” Cameron squeezed my shoulder. “You want to remind us who and what you are, but we never forgot, Didi.”
My brow lifted. “Didi?”
Cameron nodded and poured another shot, passing it to Xavier.
“Yeah, that’s your new nickname. Everyone gets one. Welcome to the
family.”
Family.
A thousand and one images threatened to drown me at once at that word. A house with carved initials, a smile from someone I loved dearly, and a cavern of flames and stone that was more a prison than ever a home.
Anger bubbled to the surface, replacing my desperate need to claim what they offered. It was hot, quick, and ready to defend my bruised and damaged heart. “I didn’t ask—”
Cameron shook his head and pressed his hand over my mouth, cutting off my words. He and Xavier gulped their drinks and placed their empty glasses down. Cameron stood, and they grabbed my arms, one on each side of me, leading me to the dance floor.
“Yes, yes, you don’t want it. We get it. Let’s go dance,” Cameron said, his body already moving to the beat.
I narrowed my gaze at him as Xavier laughed. It was the most I could do before I was swept off my feet and taken into the masses of bodies, all jumping and screaming with the music. Whatever retort I had died as Cameron placed me on my feet and twirled me toward him.
“This is fun.” He remarked, spinning me again. “You do remember what fun is?”
He didn't give me time to answer before he spun me toward Xavier, who caught me grinning like a fool, and soon my face matched, forgetting my anger. Fun. That's what I wanted, just for a little while. I could blame it on the alcohol, but tonight I would bury my suffering. Just one night.
I knew the members of The Hand were famous, but it still shocked me how people gathered around them, laughing with us all and asking to dance.
Everyone wanted to speak to them or just ogle. On the plus side, the management didn’t allow any type of recording device in here. I would bet it was why they’d chosen this club. That, and we were being treated like royalty.
I didn ’ t remember when it happened or how . M aybe it was the drinks they had all but shoved my way. I remembered Cameron and Xavier swinging me between them, my feet touching nothing but air, and suddenly, I was laughing, truly laughing. Xavier’s face lit up every time, and Cameron would tell another joke to keep me distracted. It worked. We danced, screamed, and sang a song I didn’t know the lyrics to, but it was fun.
I was fine as long as I didn’t stop, didn’t think. Every time I did, I saw her ghost.
Cameron tipped a guy’s head back, pouring clear liquid into his mouth.
After him, he moved to the guy’s girlfriend, and then so on, moving through the crowd. Xavier stopped next to me. He watched Cameron with an indulgent smile as if this were normal when they went out, but I sensed something else beneath his placid facade.
I wondered if they’d ever slept together. I knew celestials, like most, were fluid in their sexuality. The images I had seen in Samkiel’s blooddreams told me that much, but it was different with Cameron and Xavier. Maybe they hadn’t. Maybe what they had was like what was between Samkiel and me. And a part of me felt so damn guilty for still wanting him after—
My head split, a blinding pain making my teeth clench. I cradled my head in my hands, rubbing at my temples as the music faded. Light spilled from a hallway in a house so far out of reach. Wood bent, splinters falling to the floor as the walls bowed. The rows of chains wrapping around the door drew tight, and the locks clanked with every hit the door took, holding what was locked away inside. Flames crackled, and smoke rolled beneath the door, the beast demanding release with a defiant ear-splitting roar.
My body jolted to the side, a man throwing an apology at me before hurrying away through the crowd. Music flooded my subconscious and yanked me away.
And a lock on a door in a house rattled.
“You’re up, Didi!” Cameron shouted.
The world snapped back as I forced a smile, blinking away that damned house. Maybe that was it. Maybe the alcohol was burning off, and I needed to drown the voices. I walked over, no one noticing that my head had
almost ruptured.
“Everything okay?” Cameron asked.
Maybe I hadn’t hidden it as well as I’d thought. I nodded. “Fine.”
His hand cradled my head as I opened my mouth and leaned back, trusting him to support me. The alcohol hit the back of my throat, this time definitely burning. I sat up and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, forgetting about my lipstick.
As soon as the fiery liquid pooled in my gut, I motioned that was it for me. My stomach churned, seeking another form of liquid.
Xavier appeared at my side again. Concern etched into his beautiful face. “Want to sit?” I realized that one of them had never been more than a few feet from me all night, and I didn’t think it was because they were my jailors. Maybe it was the devil’s tango talking, but it seemed they actually cared about me. They were protecting me.
I nodded, and he held out his hand. I glanced at it but didn’t take it.
Instead, I headed toward one of those large crescent lounge seats. He whistled at a couple trying to swallow each other’s tongues. They broke apart, saw him, jumped up, and left.
“Everything alright?” Xavier asked, and I nodded again, lying through my teeth. I didn’t want to tell him every blonde woman I saw that even resembled her made me pause and damn near run, thinking she was here and waiting for me to join her for a night of fun.
“What’s taking so long for the council to decide to cut my head off or not?” I asked, flopping onto the soft couch. I leaned down, struggling to maintain my balance as the world spun, and unbuckled the straps of my heels. My feet whimpered in relief as I slipped the torturous contraptions off.
Xavier leaned back in his seat a second before Cameron jumped and landed on the opposite end of the couch with enough impact to jolt me.
Xavier kept his eyes on me.
“What makes you say that?”
“What are we talking about?” Cameron interjected.
“Is this the part where we pretend I didn’t kill people? Attack you or your friends? Attack Samkiel and Silver City? Or would you rather we continue to drink and dance like we’re old friends?”
“I like pretending we’re old friends,” Cameron said, but I held Xavier’s stare.
Maybe it was the alcohol or the splitting headache, but any filter I had was long gone.
“What is this, anyway? Take me out, get me drunk? What game are we playing? Trying to figure out my motives? I have none. My powers and strength are gone. I can’t incinerate anyone or squeeze the life from them.
I’m harmless.”
“A viper with no venom is still a viper, Didi,” Cameron said, resting his elbows on his knees. His gaze was intent, all humor gone. “And you are anything but harmless. Why can’t you just enjoy a night out? Why ulterior motives?”
I shrugged. “Because everyone has them.”
Cameron whistled low under his breath as Xavier shook his head.
“Maybe we just want to be your friend.”
“Doubtful,” I scoffed. “Why would any of you want a viper as a friend?
Plus, I have learned my lesson in thinking friends are for me. Drake and Ethan—”
“I had a sister, too,” Xavier cut in. His tone was solemn and without humor, no laughs. Even the music seemed to dull.
Cameron went still and dipped his head. His gaze focused on the ground. These were the warriors I remembered. The ones I met on the
remains of Rashearim almost a year ago.
“You did?”
“Yeah. I lost her too. Before I joined The Hand, she and I were under Kryella’s rule as her guards. She wasn’t like the other gods. She and Unir were nicer.”
“Yeah, you’re lucky you never met the other ones,” Cameron said, glancing at Xavier. “Samkiel is benevolent compared to them. Trust me.”
Xavier nodded before going on. “Kryella sent my sister and I, along with several other celestials, on a retrieval mission. Warrgrogs had overrun the planet, and we were to clean them out. They have this huge slimy carcass and a massive gaping mouth full of nothing but needle-like teeth.
They eat everything in sight.”
He paused as if the memory was too much, and I understood. Gods, did I understand. Cameron shuffled his feet as if he wanted to move closer and soothe the pain that suffused Xavier’s face.
“We found where they had been hiding and went down to eradicate them, but there were too many. They had been breeding for too long. We tried to escape, but there were too many, and we had to skirt and jump over holes and crevasses in the ground, slowing us down. She looked at me, and
I knew. She said, “See you on the other side, little brother.” It was something we said every battle, every fight, just in case, you know?”
Oh, I knew. It was the same as Gabby and I ending every conversation with ‘Remember that I love you’.
Xavier went on, making my chest clench. “That was the last thing she said to me before pushing me into a hole. I remember falling and hitting the ground. I remember hearing them coming and the brilliant flash of blue light when they ripped her apart. Then the awful silence came. I was hurt and alone in that dark place. The days I spent staring up, waiting for her to return, felt like years.”
“How did you get out?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Xavier half shrugged as if he hadn’t just revealed a wound on his soul.
“Samkiel saved me. He found me down there when Kryella brought the rest of the gods. He wasn’t king at that time, still learning from Unir. The others wanted to evacuate the village. They thought we had all died, but he didn’t give up looking. He’s stubborn and never gives up, as I am sure you have discovered. He saved me, and as soon as he was ready for his own guard, I didn’t hesitate to offer. I’d follow him anywhere. We all would, and I think you would, too.”
Xavier looked at me, and I immediately looked away.
“Samkiel is also the only reason I haven’t cut your head off after making Xavier relive that with the dream eaters,” Cameron said it nonchalantly, but his eyes bore into mine.
I made Xavier relive that? Overwhelming guilt ripped through me, twisting my gut into knots. Xavier’s lips curved in a small grin, but he didn’t respond to Cameron’s declaration. I also didn’t take Cameron’s threat personally. He cared for Xavier. I didn’t blame him for being protective.
I shrugged and said to Cameron, “You could still do it. It wouldn’t kill
me. Well, I mean, maybe it would now.”
“Please, after Samkiel—”
Xavier made a noise low in his throat but pretended to look away.
“After Samkiel what?”
Cameron folded his hands in front of himself. “Let’s just say Samkiel still believes you’re not too far gone.”
“He told the council that?”
“He tells the council a lot,” Cameron said, even as Xavier cut him a
look.
“Well, he should stop.”
“Why?” It was Xavier’s turn to ask. “Do you believe you are too far gone?”
“What is this interrogation hour?” I scoffed. “Or are you two his wingmen now?”
Cameron snorted. “Let’s be honest. We both know he doesn’t need that.
I know at least a dozen tightly wound council members who kill for a chance for him to bend them over one of those ivory desks.”
Whatever expression crossed my face, I was sure it matched the ire coursing through my veins. I knew if I had my fire, my hands would have sparked. I blamed the alcohol and not whatever festering emotions Samkiel had resurrected between us.
C ameron smirked and set his glass down . “Y ou really are a jealous thing. Anyway, I prefer staying alive, so you don’t have to worry about me maiming you in Xavier’s honor.” He clapped his hands and stood up. “Okay, I am getting us more drinks. I’ll be right back.”
We watched as Cameron disappeared into the small crowd near the bar, and then Xavier smiled at me as if waiting. I rolled my eyes and sat back, pulling my feet up onto the couch. “Look, I get it. You lost someone too.
Congrats, we’re in the same club. You want to bond? Cool. That’s fine, but your sister died nobly, protecting you. Mine was ripped from me because I
—”
A lock rattled.
The club melted away, the council walls forming, and him—always him.
I wished I could protect him, keep him safe, and help him.
“Regardless of what happens or what you decide, I will stand by your side. I will fight this fight with you. You will not be alone, and I will do all I can to keep you safe.”
The words rushed from beneath the locked door. They banged viscously through my subconscious, and that damned headache returned tenfold. I closed my eyes tightly and pushed, shoving away the memory and all the emotions the words brought with them, once again shutting it behind heavy locks and thick chains.
My eyes shot open. The fun, the music, and the effects of the alcohol were all washed away.
A flicker of emotion passed Xavier’s face as if he’d won some prize.
“Because you what?”
“Look, if you want an apology, I can’t give you one. I’ve done terrible things for my sister. I regret nothing, and I would do it again. Every. Single.
Part.”
I half expected him to yell and curse me, and the smile creeping across his face surprised me.
“I don’t want an apology. I only told you because I want you to stay close to the ones who feel like sunshine, Dianna.”
His gaze turned to Cameron, who was currently making friends with
every person who spoke to him.
Sunshine.
Like Samkiel.
Lights to lead us out of the most heinous darkness—that was what Cameron was to him and what Samkiel was to me. Sunshine.
I swiped my shoes off the floor and slipped them back on my aching feet. “I have to pee. Where is the bathroom?”
Xavier stood, and Cameron appeared at his side. I heard Xavier tell him where I was going as I turned away and headed down the steps. The crowd on the first floor writhed and bounced to the music. I wove through, knowing that Xavier and Cameron followed me by the commotion left in our wake. The glowing signs led me to a dimly lit hall. I paused at the door to let a few women lost in conversation exit before slipping inside. Just before the door closed, I looked back and saw Xavier and Cameron settling against the wall.
The women inside laughed and chatted, one girl fixing her makeup, her friend sitting on the edge of the long sink. I ignored them and slipped into an unoccupied stall. Tears clogged my throat, and my eyes burned.
Emotions overwhelmed me, and I had no spark or flame to incinerate them, no blood to drown them out. I covered my eyes with my hands and leaned against the cold stone of the wall.
What was I doing here, laughing and having fun? I didn’t want this.
Remember that I love you
I didn’t want to be here.
My head pounded.
I didn’t want to pretend the world was fine when it wasn’t.
My hands gripped my head, fingers pressing hard, trying to stop the
growing ache.
You won’t get another chance.
My fist shot out, hitting the metal door so hard it dented. A blistering pain shot from my knuckles and ricocheted into my wrist. I yanked my hand back, looking at the broken skin. Blood dripped between my fingers, the cuts not mending. They were damaged and split wide open, like the rest of me. Maybe this was what I looked like on the inside—cut open and bleeding.
“What’s her issue?” I heard the other girls snicker and whisper before their shoes clicked across the floor, and they hurried out.
I left the stall, examining my hand as I walked to the sink. I turned the water on and hissed when the cold hit my knuckles, my entire hand throbbing. Glancing up at my reflection, I froze, my eyes meeting those of
someone I had not seen in ages.
“Hello, Dianna.”
OceanofPDF.com
